The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
09/06/07
A very compelling read - good descriptions.

You might want to experiment a bit with dialog - instead of telling us what the people said, just have them say it. That definitely livens up a piece!

Liked the end a lot. Keep writing (I know you will LOL).
God absolutely uses our deepest hurts for His greatest gain. It is in the painful things we have experienced that we can help others. Good reflection of this concept. The character is truly a great friend!
09/07/07
Good explanation of the flashback. You have told this story well, but I am not sure how well it fits into the topic.
It was bold of the friend to share her story, and repent to do the right thing. I agree with Joanne that making this more story-like with dialog would make it even better, but good job.
09/11/07
Great title, and scriptural tie-in.

This has the style of a narration, which to a slight degree lacks the heart of a more fiction-like telling. When you add details that appeal to senses--what are the people seeing, hearing, touching, etc. as the story unfolds?--then you're more likely to grab your readers' interest.

I enjoyed this story!
Good job! You had a lot of info to convey but it was all well-written and mostly kept from being confusing throughout.

I wasn't sure at first if the background we were getting was Kate's or Susie's. I think just a small change would help, like this: "Susie was cautious, but sincere; the pain of her separation..." And that way we know for sure it's still about Susie.

You're doing great work! Good luck this week!
09/12/07
Your story appealed to me. I like the explanations and the good description of your main character. I'm glad you're continuing to write!
There is a good message here. To help the reader, I would suggest breaking up some of the paragraphs and punctuate the meat of your article with dialogue. This would help the reader focus on the intent of the article and streamline the reading. Not as easy task with a 750 word limit, but it looks as if you have the talent to do it. Nice job.
Good story. I agree with the previous comments regarding dialogue. Your story has the potential to give someone the courage they need to help a friend. Thanks.