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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fearful (08/23/07)

TITLE: Behind my Peephole
By Sharon Henderson
08/28/07


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“I ain’t feard of nothin’!”
“I’m not afraid of anything”
“Whatever!”

My grandson sauntered away, holding his head up in that “I’m so much better than you” way that he does. How will I ever get through his stubborn little head? How does a gray-haired, worn-down woman like me raise a grandson to understand respect? How do I teach him how to speak proper English when he spends each summer day with those black-coat-wearing, gun-toting hoodlums out there in that street?

I try to hide behind my front door. I try to only peek now and then through the tiny peephole that my precious life-time partner put in for me long before he began his eternal journey with my sweet Jesus. (I still call him my husband but that grandson says I’m not cool. Says that I should refer to him as a ‘partner’ so I don’t offend anyone. He ‘gets’ that! Why can’t he get that he should respect his elders?)

I see what those boys do out there. Dangerous? Oh, that is just not a good enough word to describe the world they are out there making for themselves.

“Oh, my!
“Oh…Oh…OHHHH!!! NO! Don’t do that! Stop!”

Listen to me. Inside this house. Behind my safe door. Watching through my peephole. Whispering. Whispering what should be shouted. But I can’t shout. Can’t. Then they would know I was watching them.


Pop! Pop! Pop!


“Granny?”
“Yes?”
“Was that more gunfire?”
“Yes.”
“Can you see if anyone got hurt?”
“Can’t see for sure.”
“Granny?”
“Yes?”
“I’m feard.”
“Afraid … and that’s okay … and I am too. But you stay here close to me and we will be safe. Jesus has His angles camped all around us. Let’s move back here away from the door. Sing softly with me, OK? Ready?”

“He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in…” Jesus, thank you for giving this boy a respectful amount of fear.


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This article has been read 671 times
Member Comments
Member Date
julie wood08/31/07
I really enjoyed this story! Vivid, realistic dialogue and dialect--I felt as though I were right there with the concerned grandma and her livewire grandson.

Would be good to put spaces between dialogue lines--a little easier to read.

Great title--it sparked my curiosity at once!

Beth LaBuff 09/05/07
I like your use of "feard" (both at the beginning and end of the story). Even in the midst of gunfire the granny "held to her guns" to get her grandson to use proper English. :)

I think you've captured the bravado talk of a young boy, yet when danger was present he still needed and wanted the protection of his granny (and the spiritual protection she claimed).

I enjoyed your granny-grandson story!
Verna Cole Mitchell 09/05/07
I loved your story of a loving grandmother doing her best to raise her grandchild in safety amid danger. The dialog is excellent.
LaNaye Perkins09/05/07
I thought your story was very vivid and well written to express the fear of a wonderful loving grandma for her grandchild. Well done!
Julie Ruspoli09/05/07
This is well written. Just some paragraph structure would make it read better. Keep writting, great article.
Dee Yoder 09/05/07
Vivid descriptions and I really felt the fear of the grandmother in her less than safe neighborhood. Realistic dialog through the whole story. Great writing!
Brenda Welc09/06/07
Sensational writing. This touched me. I could feel all the feelings and could visualize the story. Great job!
Sheri Gordon09/07/07
Sharon -- Congratulations on your highly commended. Your writing is very good -- I felt like I was cowering in the house with grandma. There are a lot of powerful messages packed into this short piece. Good job.


   
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