The Official Writing Challenge
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08/24/07
This is funny!

If you decide to fiddle with this some more, consider enriching it with dialogue.

Really cute story.
08/24/07
What a fun story!! Some dialog would really add a lot of 'color' to the telling. Wouldn't it have been fun to be a fly on the wall that morning?! :-)
08/27/07
This was really funny and I enjoyed reading of your "escapades". You gave a good clear detailed description.

One question...Does your girlfriend's family still talk to you? :)
08/28/07
Oh, clever! This is a funny story, but I bet you would've loved to see the action yourself!
Polish this up with a little editing, and it will really shine. :)
08/28/07
Very funny. What you have is well writen and you did a good job telling the story and keeping it interesting. I think it would be even funnier with either more explanation of the characters expresions, or explain the characters more, for example, explain the 'scientist' more. Keep writing.
I love you humor. You have a gift for storytelling. Good work!
08/28/07
I enjoy your voice - I also agree that dialog and some description of the people's emotions would strengthen this. A fun read.
08/28/07
This was a funny read. I enjoyed it.

As already mentioned a bit of dialog in the characters would have great. Also, this may be just my personal preference, consider line spacing between paragraphs. Large blocks of text are hard on the eyes. Just a thought. Good job and keep writing.
08/29/07
Great story! Reminds me of some hijinks played out by some military buddies I have. One suggestion, though. work on your formatting. Those are terribly long paragraphs.
My oldest son, practical joker extraordinaire, would love this. I better not tell him though or he'll be out looking for those decals. :)