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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)

TITLE: Who Am I?
By Jenny Fitch


I can’t do this anymore.

David burst through the front door with a face splitting grin. His eyes danced as he told her about his promotion. Pulling orchids out from behind his back, he said, “Time to plan our trip to Maui!”

Meg knew she should be excited, but wanted to cry. Great. Now, on top of everything else, she was supposed to plan a vacation. It was one more straw she didn’t think she could bear. She was about to break.

Meg had felt this day coming for awhile. She tried to avoid it, but couldn’t escape the feelings. She was lost. Empty. Confused. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Her life used to be filled with contentment. Joy. She longed to find that again.

Tears spilled down her cheeks. He is so happy and I’m about to tear him apart. David’s enthusiasm deflated at her sadness. She tried to turn away from his worried gaze. Maintain control. But, David took her in his arms. She knew he wanted to comfort her, to find out what was wrong. She couldn’t let him. You’re only making this harder. With tears in her eyes, Meg pushed him back. “I can’t do this anymore.”

David seemed confused. “Do what, honey?”

“I can’t live like this. Somewhere between all the diapers, meals, doing everything for everyone else, I lost me. I am so confused. I don’t know who I am.” She sobbed as she shared this revelation with the man she thought she would love forever. Now, she wasn’t sure she had those same feelings.

Meg watched his eyes take in the suitcase by the front door. The misery in his face pleaded with her.

“Megs, what can I do to help you?” asked David. “You know I love you. I’ll do anything to help you through this. Do you want to see someone? Maybe take a weekend trip with a friend?”

“I don’t know what I want. Or what I need. I just know I can’t be what everyone else needs.” She tried to hold back the tears. “I have to go.”

“Where? How long?”

She turned away from him. “I left the kids with the neighbors. You can pick them up there.”

She grabbed the suitcase and walked out the door. “I’ll be at my parent’s house…but please, don’t call me.” She looked back at David, standing on the doorstep. Tears slid down his face. “I’m sorry,” she said.

Watching her husband cry on the porch prompted Meg’s own tears to start anew. This would be so much easier if he would get mad. Scream. Yell. Something. She hoped she was doing the right thing. She felt so lost. Surely she had a right to find herself again. Didn’t she?

As she drove toward her parent’s home, she passed by the reader board at a small church. Blinking back her tears, she read, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Meg laughed to herself, “Still? How can I be still? I have kids to chauffeur around, meals to prepare, church obligations. Lord, I don’t know what you expect from me, but I just don’t think I can live up to it. I’m running in circles. I’m tired.”

As Meg read the sign, she missed a car pulling out from the side street. The crash happened so fast. Her car spun around and flipped, landing upside down on the embankment. Meg’s eyes fluttered…then closed.

Her head was foggy, but she couldn’t escape thoughts of her family. Would she see them again? She felt such a deep desire to hold them. Tell them she loved them. Was she really leaving all that?

Trapped in the car, the verse played in her thoughts. “Okay God, you have my attention…I’m still.” As she prayed, the noise and distractions of her life left her. She let the stillness wash over her, it was beautiful. Peaceful. She could hear God whisper her name. My name. Confusion gave way to clarity. I’m not lost. I was looking for myself in people. Things. Not You. Help me to seek You.

Sirens pulled Meg from her prayer. She focused on opening her eyes. They weren’t cooperating. She heard someone speaking to her, asking questions. She struggled to respond. Only one thought came to mind.

“Please, call my husband.”

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10 NIV)

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This article has been read 643 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Peg Broussard08/23/07
Great article! I can relate to Meg's confusion. It is difficult when you feel "you" are lost. The finding of yourself through God's love is very sweet indeed.
terri tiffany08/23/07
Wow! Some great writing here! You won't be in Beginners long! Good dialogue - good pace and very real emotions. A suggestions - watch the 'had' felt - would work with only felt. And the first line through me - I had to read it twice to figure out who was talking - as the next sentence seemed in total opposite to the mood of the sentence - might want to find a way to get that to flow into it better. Otherwise - it is perfect!!:)
terri tiffany08/23/07
Oops - I meant "threw" me -
Jan Ackerson 08/23/07
Good job! What a way to learn a valuable lesson, huh?

I'd let you keep the "had", as it indicates a time removed from the immediate setting of the story. I think it belongs there.

Good crisp writing.
Dee Yoder 08/28/07
Well written! I'm sympathetic to your MC, and the writing is descriptive and clear. Good job!
Julie Ruspoli08/28/07
Very good writing. Your article was interesting and kept my attention throughout. Since you asked for suggestions, maybe explain more of what makes her confused and go into the husband and wife relationship before the confusion started. Just for clarity that they truly care for each other and she is just having a bad time in her life.
Debbie Roome 08/28/07
I agree - you won't be on Beginners for long. Good story - keep writing.
Joy Faire Stewart08/28/07
I enjoy your style of storytelling. The story flows perfectly.
Joanne Sher 08/28/07
Very strong - excellent showing of emotions. I was also unclear on who was speaking in the first sentence. Regardless, this was very compelling.
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/29/07
This is a very well-told story. You captured you main character's "confused" and lost feelings perfectly.
Brenda Welc08/29/07
Wow! Great writing, I did not see the accident coming. Very well descibing the feelings of the characters. Keep up the good writing.
Pamela Kliewer08/29/07
Very well written. You drew me in and brought tears to my eyes as I felt your MC's pain.
Sara Harricharan 08/29/07
Good ending with the twist. I was expecting her to change her mind and turn around and go home. The crash was unexpected. Good job, keep it up! ^_^
Lynda Schultz 08/29/07
Great story. I loved this line especially: “Okay God, you have my attention…I’m still.” I could see the rueful expression on her face. The lesson taught here is an important one too — who we are has to be found in Him — anyone or anything else is pure confusion.
Pawel Spencer08/30/07
Amen Sister! Congratulations!
Tom Degerstrom09/05/07
Well done and very powerful, quite thought provoking.
Natalie Tugade09/08/07
Life is so meaningful and filled with joy, if you learn how to appreciate people that cared and loved you so much, sometimes you forgotten their existence, and when you about to give up. U see the meaning of it,,and thats the story behind the article. Its fabulous and touched one's life.