The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/23/07
A very compelling read! Powerful writing.

A few word choices could be tightened up, however...maybe get a proofreader or editing buddy to help you catch them? For example--

"Beheld", used twice here for sounds, usually indicates sights. A "jaunt" is a trip--not sure what word you were going for with "jaunted." I think you meant "unable to bear it", and "heckled" instead of "hackled." They're minor errors, but they slightly distract from your powerful message.

I loved your final paragraph, and the whole story was very good at tapping into all of one's senses. Keep it up!



08/24/07
Very descriptive and riveting; yes, the horror of the noise of no Christ.

Thanks for the ride!
Wonderful story of repentance.