The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/23/07
How scary!

I was unclear, though, on exactly what was wrong with her--was it migraines? A stroke? Depression? What would cause these symptoms in someone so young? And there were a few POV switches that are easily fixed.

Good job with capturing the terrifying confusion.

This is very good story quality. A little more dialogue would make it really interesting.
08/23/07
Having been in pain from a back injury, this is about the way it is between the pain and the drugs. Nice job. I think some of your tenses are in conflict here and there, though.

I think you have a good line going here. Have you considered carrying this on in a longer version?
I feel you did a wonderful job in the telling of this story. Keep on writing!
08/24/07
wow! That gave me chills. Very good story and you caught her confusion. :-) hugs!!
08/26/07
You are a storyteller. I felt the pain, frustration and confusion of your character, and I found myself wanting to see her safely home. There are, however, some questions that needed to be answered to give your reader a sense of completion, for example: What ails this woman?
08/28/07
Yes, you are good with telling a story. I really felt for this poor woman, who, in her pain was not understood by those she loved. I, too, would like to find out what her physical problem was. Good writing!
08/29/07
Great job of putting us in the middle of this. I'd love to have seen a bit more dialog, or "thinking aloud" - might have made this engaging a bit more so. Keep writing!