Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)
TITLE: HOW COULD HE
By Debbie Thorkildsen
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I’m so angry. I don’t know where all this anger came from or what to do with it. I think I’m a little young to be going through the change of life. So where did all this anger come from?
I sometimes feel like I’m not really a part of my own family. I feel more like the maid, cook and nanny. Why do I feel this way? I have a wonderful husband and four beautiful children. Why do I feel so disconnected and used? Why all this intense anger?
I want to cook and clean and take care of my family, so why do I feel so resentful. They don’t intentionally make messes that cause me to feel disrespected. They just need a little guidance on cleaning up after themselves.
I’m probably just making a mountain out of nothing. So what if my husband wanted to take the three older children to the movies and leave the baby at home with me. I could have enjoyed a night out at the movies, but that’s difficult to do with a wiggling, noisy toddler. It was probably for the best that the little one and I stayed home, yet I feel so excluded. I want to be part of the family too.
My husband has been kind of unavailable and inattentive lately. He’s been really busy with work, like he is every year at this time. I’ve never been angry or resentful of the time his job takes him away from the children and I before. I guess I just need to be patient and, when this busy season is over, we can enjoy a wonderful summer together relaxing and taking day trips with the kids.
Life has been so fast-paced for both my husband and I lately. It seems like we don’t spend any time together anymore. Work, household duties, taking care of children and driving them to their activities seem to be pulling us in opposing directions.
Even on the weekends, my husband seems to be so tired. He hasn’t been getting up on Saturday mornings till almost noon. That’s probably because he puts so much time and effort into work projects on the computer till the wee hours of the morning almost every night. I get tired of waiting for him and go to bed alone night after night.
I’ll sure be glad when all this extra work is over and I can have my husband back. I really miss him. He doesn’t even seem to have time to talk or cuddle anymore. He’s such a dedicated worker, and he’s been so stressed out lately. I wish there was something I could do help my husband and improve our marital relationship.
Since my husband is on the computer so much lately, maybe I should send him an encouraging email to let him know just how much I miss him these days and to reassure him of my love. Actually, now would be the perfect time to do that since the baby is napping. Also, he’s at work and the computer is available.
Oh…he left his work email account open. I wonder why he has a password on that account anyway. I’m not interested in reading his boring work-related emails. I’ll just peek and see what kind of emails he gets from his coworkers…
I’m stunned. This isn’t a work account…and these emails are definitely not from coworkers. Who is Samantha anyway, and why is she saying these things to my husband? Some of the emails even have voice mail attachments. Can I bare to listen?
“Hi Babe. I can hardly wait to chat with you again tonight. Your voice mails always make me feel all warm and tingly inside. Your text messages and phone calls make my days go by so quickly. I love it that you never end the day without saying good-night to me. Thanks for the most wonderful six months of my life. I love you.”
I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. I’m gonna throw up… How could he have done this to me? I don’t understand how this happened or what went wrong. How could I have been so unaware of what was going on? What do I do now? How do I go on? No wonder I have been so angry lately. I feel so betrayed and abandoned. My husband has broken his marriage vows and forsaken me. I have a right to be angry…
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