The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/03/07
I like the feelings conveyed here. The characters were very lifelike.

I'd put an extra space between paragraphs to make it a bit easier on the eyes. I'd also consider expanding this. I felt like there was more to the story that wasn't told.

I thought this was a unique take on the topic. Good job. Keep writing.
08/03/07
I agree, there is more to this. Great job expressing the feelings of the child. i may be in this position soon and it's a freadful thought but God will prevail!
08/04/07
Bittersweet and realistic.

You switched between past and present tense several times, something easy to fall into but also easy to fix with a careful edit.

You write with great tenderness.
Well done! Everyday is a gift with our loved ones. Thanks for the reminder!
08/07/07
I saw a few moments in time for this narrator and was touched. This is nicely done and the situation is something that happens all too often
08/08/07
I really liked this. And believe me it feels that way lately looking at my triplet grandkids. What on earth happened to time?