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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sad (07/26/07)

TITLE: Journey from Pain to Purpose
By N Dalbeth
07/27/07


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The twists and turns of a road well traveled take their toll, she staggers on for what seems a lifetime down this lonely road, there is a chill in the air as the dark of night encroaches in, weary and battered she looks for a place to shelter, but there is nowhere to be found. Deep in darkness, stumbling, grabbing for anything to keep from falling, on unsteady faltering feet unable to see she reaches out in a desperate attempt for stability, amongst the fog and shadows her hand finds something, anotherís hand, she clutches tightly in hope of safety, as she frantically strained to see this face of refuge her hope turned to dread as the realized she grabbed the overpowering hand of abuse, in this hand was deceit and aggression, yet to let go now would risk falling into the murky chasm below, she quickly surmised a bad hand was better than no hand at all so held on with every ounce of strength despite the agony piercing her soul every moment. As the rain pelted down and the winds taunted from every side the callous hand let go, she slipped and tumbled down the rocky slope of hopelessness, branches scratching, thorns tearing, rocks of depression scraping and bruising, at the bottom of the valley she lay motionless, aching from the agony of defeat. After some time in the numb isolation of despair she wandered aimlessly in the valley of Sad, drenched from the rain, shivering from the cold, there was no way out, every path found mislead her leading right back to Sad, nothing could be found in this valley, nothing but misery. At daybreak the black shroud of darkness began to lift, the sun came up melting the icy frost left from the night before, in the glimmer of first light squinting she strained to see, fixed on an image her vision began to clear, then she saw a new path, right in front of her, it was the path of Purpose, lit by the sun she could see it was a narrow path free from thorns, it was clear and straight. The unseen hand of love picked her up and began removing the thorns buried deep in her flesh, still hurting and bleeding she slowly began limping down the path, with eyes fixed on hope she crawled and clawed her way out of the valley of Sad, with every step a wound began to heal and another thorn fell to the ground, freeing her to stand and move one step closer to the sanctuary of Peace, where her father, the King of all the land, is eagerly awaiting her arrival.


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This article has been read 398 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Emily Gillilan08/02/07
I like the idea of falling into a pit...and then the great contrast at the end to being with the King (of all kings?) It could be helpful to add some more concrete things for a reader's mind to grab onto, and periods to seperate thoughts.
Brenda Welc08/03/07
I liked the ending. He is waiting for all of His children to find saftey in Him.
Jan Ackerson 08/04/07
Nice allegory.

Your sentences are very long and complex, and your use of comma splices sometimes causes the reader to get lost in the maze of each sentence.

This is worth editing and expanding.
Peter Stone08/04/07
You create a lot of great imagery. I suggest breaking up your articles with much shorter sentences and with several paragraphs.
Donna Emery08/05/07
I agree that the sentences are too long but there are many well-written images here that are worth reading. I suggest some spacing and some shorter sentences. I look forward to reading your future work
Ginny Winters08/06/07
This is like a very detailed painting. You chose such unique words which helped draw the reader into the depth of the story. Great job!
David Butler 08/08/07
Almost poetic, and I liked the title. Although a bit hard to read without paragraph spacing etc, it still drew me in. I felt her pain, and her relief when she came through.