The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/21/07
I enjoyed especially the portions of this piece that were from Mekani's perspective. You did a wonderful job of developing his character. May just be me, but I think I'd enjoy this story a bit more if it were told in his POV. Great detail.
07/22/07
This is a wonderful story of a pastor's faithfulness in bringing others to Christ. And what better way to wake up a church than to hear the testimony of a brand new believer. Well done!
This is such a sweet,happy story. Very solid writing.

I thought it was going to be the pastor's story but it switches to the store manager's story. Maybe an early tie-in or foreshadowing of his relationship with Mekani would be nice.

At the beginning the pastor is wondering if his sermons are a right fit for the church. This is never mentioned again. Perhaps you could refer back to this at the end.