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I looked at the group of girls. I wondered if they would think that I was a freak by the end of the night. “Hi. I am your pastor’s wife,” I began. Perhaps levity would make this easier. The ensuing chuckles indicated they were nervous too. “The topic is purity and I am the poster girl. My husband and I dated an entire month before our first kiss. Furthermore, it was my very first kiss.”
I had their attention and felt like that freak. I might as well go for the jugular. “Did I mention that I was twenty-two when I started dating Jeff?
“Had Jeff kissed anyone before?” A girl piped up.
“Yes. Since we had been friends for few years before we started dating, I had heard about some of the girls he had kissed. At first, I was insecure about that. Jeff was sweet though, and since he knew how inexperienced I was, I just asked if I was doing it right. It made for some pretty funny “practices” let me tell you.” More giggles.
“What was the first kiss like?”
“Well, we were both pretty nervous. It was my first time and he had never kissed a 22 year old who had never been kissed.”
“What did he say when he kissed you?”
I smiled. “Not telling. But he thanked me for saving it for him. It was special for both of us.
"Listen, I know that some of you girls have boyfriends right now who you have already kissed. I realize that this is normal. That first kiss may have been very special for you too. I am not trying to say that you should be like me. However, the reason your youth pastor asked me to talk to you is that many girls are having sex by the time they are in junior high. I want to speak out against all those voices that say you will never know if the guy is right for you unless you have sex with him before marriage or that there is no way to show a guy you really like him if you are not willing to give him your body. That just is not true.” Looks were exchanged around the room.
I sighed and started again. “God has called us to purity for so many reasons. If you think they are because He doesn’t want you to have any fun, you are wrong. God wants marriage relationships to reflect His relationship with the Church, His bride. Sharing His Church with other gods is idolatry. He calls sharing your body before marriage fornication. Both are sin.
“Second, experts say that every time you are with someone it’s like every person you and your partner have been with are there with you. That’s way too many people in the honeymoon suite, if you ask me, unless, you are both virgins. Even at school they tell you the dangers of disease and getting pregnant from sex.”
“Did you ever wonder what it would have been like with another guy?”
“Sure. But when Jeff and I make love, we not are comparing each other to anyone else. That is huge for our love and for our marriage, not to mention my self-confidence.”
“What if it’s too late?” One asked.
“You ask for forgiveness and you stop sleeping with your boyfriend for starters. But tell him why. If he is a believer, he should be living in purity too. If he isn’t, you have a chance to plant a seed even if he breaks up with you. This is off the subject, but dating a guys who doesn’t believe as you do, is trouble.”
“But I love him.” There were tears.
“And God loves you more and He’s not going to break up with you and go to college in the fall. He’s in this relationship for life and forever. He has so much to offer you. God has promised to cleanse and make you pure again. God can take away the guilt as well as the sin.”
The youth pastor indicated it was time to close in prayer. I asked God to help the girls remember what I had said when it counted most and to give them the strength to be pure. I also prayed that God would direct them in the decisions some of them would have to make after this. It was not going to be easy.
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