The Official Writing Challenge
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Seems like a great story to build a whole mystery on. I think the only thing that I can critique, would be to suggest making more of a history between the main character and her friend. Their dialog was boardering on flurtatious and it was a little hard for me, because I felt like I had just met them. If you build it into a longer story, this should not be a problem. Great start.
06/15/07
This is just the kind of story my friends and I read as young teens. I think teen girls would like this mystery/romance.
I agree that this would be great material for a longer story..or even a novel :D Well done!