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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something in the YOUNG ADULT or TEEN genre (06/07/07)

TITLE: CRASH
By Kevin Rodgers
06/08/07


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Opening his eyes, Mark was nearly blinded by the flashing lights of the emergency vehicles parked along the narrow county road. He couldn’t remember what had happened. He couldn’t remember where he was.

“Mark?”, a voice rang from close behind, startling him. He then quickly spun around to face the person that had called his name.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!”, the man said, extending his hand to Mark in the form of a greeting, “The name’s Jack.”

Reaching for Jack’s hand, Mark responded, almost stuttering from the shock of the mayhem taking place, “Wh…what’s going on? What …happened?”

“You were involved in an accident, Mark. The car that you were traveling in crashed through this guardrail,” Jack said, as he pointed to the battered steel railing that now lie crumbled on the shoulder of the road. After seeing the look of shock on Mark’s face suddenly change to a look of immanent fear, Jack added, “You’re going to be fine Mark! Come with me. I’ve been asked to take you home.”

The expression on Mark’s face slowly, but steadily eased, as he nodded his head in acknowledgement of Jack’s assignment. The two of them began walking down the dark road leaving the chaotic scene behind them. It only took Jack about a half dozen steps, or so, to realize that Mark was no longer following him. When Jack turned around, he saw Mark standing at the edge of the guardrail.

Mark stood motionless, staring down the steep ravine at the mad rush of paramedics and patrol officers that encircled Harry’s car.

“HARRY!”, Mark let out a terrified scream at the very instant that the memory of the horrible tragedy reentered his mind.

“HARRY?”, Mark screamed again, this time in Jack’s direction. “WHERE’S HARRY?”

“Harry is being tended to by the others, Mark”, Jack responded with a sad tone in his voice. “Come on. I’ve got to get you home!”

“NO! I’M NOT LEAVING”, Mark yelled as he bounced over the mangled guardrail. Jack ran to stop Mark, but not fast enough. In the mere seconds that it took Jack to make it to the edge, Mark had already descended a quarter of the way down the steep slope. Jack sighed. There would be no stopping Mark from completing his new found mission.

After a few more seconds that felt like hours to him, Mark finally made it the bottom of the eerie pit that had swallowed Harry’s car. The car was lying on its top. The emergency personnel were frantically trying to remove Harry from the steel belly of his crushed Camero.

Leaping over the empty beer cans that littered the ground around the car, Mark ran up to the driver’s side window of the twisted pile of metal. Tears flooded his eyes when he saw Harry lying dead amongst the rumble.

“NO! NO!”, Mark screamed. “NO! HARRY, NO!” His heart ached for his friend, as his hands shook from the horror.

Through tear stained eyes, a look of bewilderment overtook his face. The paramedics were on the passenger side of the car, not the driver’s side where Harry was lying. “Was there someone else in the car with us?”, Mark thought. Kneeling down and looking over Harry’s lifeless body, uncontrollable fear swept across Mark at the sight of what his eyes beheld.

The paramedics were using the “Jaws-Of-Life” to remove pieces of the car from around a body in the passenger seat. It was Mark’s body that the paramedics were working to free.

His tears had all but stopped, but the fear that engulfed his senses prevented Mark from speaking the utter disbelief at what his eyes were showing him. After a few moments, he stood, gazing off at nothing in particular.

“Mark!”, Jack called as he took his first step onto the bottom of the gulley.

“What’s going on? This can’t be real! What’s happening?”, Mark asked, still in a state of shock.

“This is all real Mark! You and Harry died when his car hit the bottom of the ravine!”, Jack explained. “I’ve been sent to take you home!”

Instantly Mark began to sob.

“Harry?”, through the heart wrenching cries Mark continued, “Where’s Harry?”

But even as he uttered the words, Mark knew the answer. He had never spoken with his friend about Jesus, even though he knew that Harry was not saved. Now it was too late!

Jack hung his head and said nothing.


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This article has been read 607 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ruth Scott06/14/07
Wow. It was a very unexpected ending and it gave me the goose bumps.
Very good story!
Beth S. Biermann06/14/07
This was very powerful - what a testament to bring Jesus' word to even your closest friends, before it's too late. Well written and compelling.
Kimberly Michalski06/15/07
This was excellent, I've got chills! Great Job!
Dee Yoder 06/15/07
This is good. It packs a powerful message, not just to teens, but to all of us to care enough for our friends to speak the truth to them before it's too late.
Roni Freels06/16/07
What a beautiful story....at least the true meaning to it. I enjoyed the surprise ending, feeling of course with my Christian heart for Harry who in a drunk stuper, apparently, had slipped into eternity with out Jesus. How very sad. We must be ready to go with Him all the time, every minute of every day. Thank you for sharing this very dynamatic story.

Awand
PS. I noticed one mispelled word. Should be IMMINENT. I thought you may want to correct it.
Marty Wellington 06/18/07
Nicely done - good action and kept my attention throughout. FYI - Camero s/b Camaro. Good message here as well - Bravo!
Jan Ackerson 06/18/07
It's a thought-provoking cautionary tale, that's for sure...

...but it leaves me wondering. If Mark is a Christian, being taken "home" by an angel, I always thought there'd be no sorrow in heaven. And if he's being taken to a different "home," why is he concerned about Harry's salvation?

Maybe something to clarify?

This would be a GREAT conversation starter in a youth group.
Sarah D06/18/07
Great story and twist. Very thought-provoking!
Joanne Sher 06/19/07
Very powerful - and I loved the twist. Great conversation starter for sure!
Melissa Albrecht06/20/07
I really enjoyed reading this. It's something that we all need to be aware of. And yes...I got chills from it too. Well done!!
Kristen Hester06/20/07
Wow! Very thought provoking. I really liked it and stayed on the edge of my seat to the very end.
Brenda Welc06/20/07
Reality sure set in on this one. Nicely done. Broke my heart.
Catrina Bradley 06/21/07
I like the suspense and excitement in your writing. You could make it better by not telling the reader what is obvious, for example in "the man said, extending his hand to Mark in the form of a greeting," you could leave out everything after "hand", and in "He then quickly spun around to face the person that had called his name." you could stop at "around". The rest the reader will assume. I do have to agree with Jan in wondering how this fits Scripturally. But good job on the characters and dialog. And a great lesson for teens about witnessing to friends. :)
Patty Wysong06/21/07
Wow! What a story! It gave me chills...
Joann McDonald06/21/07
Congratulations! Very creative piece. It held my attention to the end. Well deserved win,Kevin. I knew you wouldn't hang around in the beginners for very long.
Yulanda Ridge06/21/07
Congrads on your win, Kevin! This was really well written and I loved the twist in the end. Well done! Y.
pam Leitermann06/21/07
Great story I loved it! Thank You
Sharon Henderson06/21/07
Congratulations.

In addressing the 'no sorrow' concern or the 'which home' is he going to concern, I have no problem with either. This is a fiction piece. It would be like a vision or dream...things happen in dreams that we don't think can happen in reality. So even though my understanding of scripture would make this story not possible (He would have been immediately with Jesus) I think the 'reality' of the 'fiction' drives home the point that we need to share Christ with our friends while we still can.
Sara O Rodriguez06/21/07
COGRATULATIONS OF BEING NUMBER ON PICK! I LOVE YOUR STORY! GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP IT UP..
Marilyn Schnepp 06/23/07
Wow! Absolutely fantastic! Can't believe this entry came from a Beginner?! Great Job! Creative, brilliant and tears burst from my eyes at the end! That, my friend, is a sign of a Masterful Writer...to bring out the emotion from the reader. (See USA/on Msg.Boards from another Bama neighbor) Proud of you!
hazel moodley06/25/07
Congrats.Beautiful piece.It packs a powerful message.Keep writing for God's glory.I was really blessed with this article.
Jacquelyn Horne06/25/07
Congrats on the win. This is a very powerful article.