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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: Fallen Angel
By Jennifer Wetter


Blood trickled down my face like a springtime creek. Overwhelming darkness divulged my senses as a large gash suddenly appeared across my side. Redness was splattered across my once unblemished white robe.

As I attempted to unsheathe my sword, exhaustion surrounded me like an unwelcome companion. I struggled to regain my balance and my strength. For another moment my feet remained steady and my hands equipped as if ready to battle. Finally I swooned to the ground like a crumpled rag doll.

Vile laughter echoed in the distance, congratulating itself because another of his enemy’s warriors had fallen. Blackness shadowed over this fallen warrior like a towering giant.

”Tell your king the battle’s over, “the black robed figure jeered. “Another of his strongest warrior’s has fallen.”

I struggled to my feet attempting to strike my blade through his side. Instead of flesh my sword seemed only to be penetrating an invisible enemy. The black robed figure brushed my blade aside as if he were only merely swatting a fly.

“Your blade is just useless as your devotion to your God, “he taunted.

Hatred burned in my heart like hell’s fire. My hatred would only be quenched with the destruction and downfall of the one who mocked my God. The black robed figure continued scoffing as he disappeared into a black poisonous cloud.

Pain reverberated through my side and every other part of my body. I was tainted with weariness, weakness and affliction. Here I stood a disgrace to my God when so many of his warrior’s had accepted valiant death. I cowered like a dog with my tail between my legs.

“I’m so sorry, “I whispered. “I’ve failed you, Lord.” My head bowed into pitiful disgrace and sorrowed shame. How much so had I disgrace my Savior’s name?

Before exhaustion and pain finally overtook my body I managed to mutter, “Please forgive me.”

In my slumbering essence I remembered happier times. A thousand voices including mine echoed angelic choruses at our Lord’s birth in Bethlehem. I voiced the revelations of the Apostle John. I protected the Lord’s soldiers during the Jerusalem crusades. I even managed to muse the works of C.S. Lewis.

For a time life and living was beautiful and beckoning. Earth was created to be sensual and perfected encompassing the footprints of all who walked through.

First a third of Heaven fell and the Earth and its humans quickly followed. Nothing has even been the same since especially our Creator and his creation. Yes, in our perfection and beauty we still can entangle and entrapped in the longings of we cannot have. In time lust, beauty and eventually the position and authority of God were demanded by Lucifer himself. In time creation wanted to overthrow his Creator, instead fell to the pits of infallibility.

In time Lucifer’s dominion encompassed Earth and most of its inhabitant’s. A few have maintained their strength and faith continually struggling in a world drowning in chaos and devastation. The very reason His warrior’s choose to fight and protect His Own.

Soon I was awoken bathed in splendid light. I struggled to my feet refreshed and renewed. My battered sword was swallowed in brightness as were the garments I wore.

“Lucifer,” I screamed. “Here I stand; ready to battle and see you fall by the hand of God.”

Blackness swirled around me like an overwhelming emotion. His black robed figure attempted to mock and evade me but my emanating brightness appeared to be blinding him.

I laughed, “Here you can barely stand before. How do you expect to stand before your Creator in His brilliance and perfection?”

He struggled to shield his eyes, “I will never stand before Him, and he will bow before me.”

I harshly whispered, “Then Jesus said, "Begone, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only. (Matthew 4:10).”

Lucifer withered in pain as the Lord’s Words echoed for my mouth. He knew his time was drawing near but his arrogance refused him to accept the truth.

He sneered, “You may have won this battle angel but your God will not win this war.”

In grasping pain he disappeared just as quickly as he came.

I smiled, “Thank you Lord for not allowing me to become another fallen angel.”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 06/01/07
Powerful and descriptive writing!

In your first several paragraphs, you have at least six similes (using "like") and several more metaphors. They are a useful literary tool, and you've chosen apt comparisons, but perhaps a few too many of them. And a few of your words choices were perhaps not exactly right.

Your writing shows great promise, and you've shown tremendous creativity by choosing this particular topic. Good job!
Trevas Walker06/02/07
I enjoyed reading your story.. good job! A challenging topic to choose, but you did well.
Kristen Hester06/02/07
Very powerful story. I ditto Jan's comments about the first of your piece. Also, there were some places where I wondered if you had extra words.
Good job.
Pam Carlson-Hetland06/04/07
I ditto the comments above. This is an exciting piece. I liked the action and the message. Watch the possessive tense; i.e, warriors not warrior's. You did take on a tough topic and did it well. You will be moving on soon. Very good!!
Jacquelyn Horne06/06/07