The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/31/07
I know it's hard to do in the challenge, but this needs a lot more "picture words". What was the scenery like along the way; how did each one fair with the walk;etc. Showing, instead of telling. However, the writing is good and the experience exciting.
06/01/07
One suggestion would be to tell a much smaller part of this trek, and concentrate on just one small interaction or conflict. Then you can work more on character development and description.

I was intrigued by the setting of your story, and by the quaintness of your characters' speech.
06/02/07
Good job.
I was a little confused at first about what was happening. I would have liked a clearer introduction of the main characters. I agree that perhaps just focus on one main event of the trek.