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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: Yellow and Green Spell Danger
By
05/31/07


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The yellow and greenish cast of the sky spelled danger. The air hung like heavy shadows of fear around our heads.

My father ordered Kelly, my brother, and Lora, my sister, at his word to immediately get into the house. They watched the screen door close, looking at me as if to ask should they obey.

Than my older brother David, who always knew more than anyone else, had to voice his opinion to the six and three year olds. “You’d be safer in the garage than the house you know.”

“Really,” Kelly said his eyes hugh

The air seemed to weigh ten pounds on our skin, when the train sounds started plowing through the air. The screen door opened, the sky was immediately dark. “Now” my father ordered.

Running quickly, no longer able to see anything but the door, we quickly entered the house. The light inside was gray and, Kelly and Lora were not there.

“Where are they?” bellowed my father.

“I’ll get them” I shouted above the approaching train.

Water pelted my face. The small gravel from our driveway led me to the garage door.

Opening it I breathed the still air. Kelly and Lora stood huddled together in fear, the noise outside enough to put fear in any grown man.

“Come on Dad’s waiting,” the fear of the coming tornado was nothing over the fear of who would suffer for disobeying my father.

Grabbing them by their hands, I tried to walk back to the door of the house. The wind was stronger than they were. Picking them up, one under each arm I spent what to me was an eternity, in swirling wind being pelted by water that felt like a gravel shower.

Kelly and Lora didn’t move they lay like sacks of potatoes in my arms.

The sky now pitch black echoed with noise of the freight train directly overhead, panic alone pushed me on. I could not see, the door became an allusive object, unattainable to my hands.

“Please God keep me safe. I have no way of finding my house I cannot see or feel a thing.” My heart was beating louder than the freight train traveling around the sky above me.

When fear almost overtook me, a hand came from nowhere grabbing me,and pulling us into the safety of the house. My brother and sister slid to the floor as we waited for the flying train to move on.

My father scared speechless, punished no one that day.

The sun returned. The only damage was a block away; a church lost its whole roof. The rest of the neighborhood lost some shingles and leaves, everything else remained in tact.

My memory now says a yellow and green sky spells danger with a capital D.

When people tell you God is with you in the storm, I can honestly say I know He is.







.


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This article has been read 509 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 06/01/07
My favorite part was the father choosing not to punish, so great was his relief. What an exciting adventure!

Several punctuation errors, especially missing commas, that if fixed, would improve the flow of this story.

Is this true? What a relief to have made it through the storm!
Kristen Hester06/02/07
Wow! Having had some close calls with tornados,I really "felt" the action of the story. I was on the edge of my seat. I was so thankful for the happy ending. Watch out for spelling errors (then not than, huge not hugh), run-on sentences, and missing commas. Thanks for the adventure.
Jacquelyn Horne06/03/07
Yes, God will take us throught the storm. There are several misspelled words here. You might want to spell check each entry from now on. This is still a good account of a dangerous situation.
Myrna Noyes06/04/07
I was intrigued by your title and by your descriptive opening sentences "The yellow and greenish cast of the sky spelled danger. The air hung like heavy shadows of fear around our heads." You did have some punctuation problems that proofreading would probably fix. This was a frightening story, but I'm glad it had a happy ending for this family! :)

Edy T Johnson 06/06/07
This left me breathless. What a dynamite story, and so very well written, that I'm surprised I'm reading in level 1! You have what it takes to be a Master writer.