The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/02/07
Rob made me laugh despite the seriousness of this story, when he gave his "carrot" excuse.

Work on tightening up your text, and on more realistic-sounding dialogue.

Rob had an adventure to tell his own children about some day!
I hope my boys never do something like that (Probably don't need to worry about it since we live in Texas where it doesnt' snow). The boys and the mom sounded so real. Good job. I would suggest skipping lines between paragraphs. It's easier on the eyes.