The Official Writing Challenge
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This is very interesting. It does need to be a little longer, so more can be said here. But this is a good beginning.
06/02/07
There's so much that could be expanded here--a paragraph for each animal, and the bit with your blouse could almost be a story all by itself! I'd encourage you to branch out and to really stretch your writing muscles.
I would love to hear more about the monkey jumping on the back, etc. With a lot more details it could be a funny adventure story. Also, watch out for run-on sentences. Fun idea!
06/06/07
This is fun, submit it to Readers Digest, but as an Action Genre it would probably be better if it was longer. Action can be fiction.