The Official Writing Challenge
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There's a lot of good detail here, but I can't seem to understand what it's about. I understand that the hero was cleaning the streets of vilains, but the story plot seemed to elude me. There is very good word play here, though.
Lots of action in this story!

You did a lot of switching from past to present tense, a bit dizzying for your reader.

I'd love a chance to get to know these characters better.
There are some good descriptions here. It was a little hard to follow, but a great start. Thanks!