Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)
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TITLE: Feathering My Empty Nest | Previous Challenge Entry
By Donna Powers
05/19/07 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
No one’s dirty socks on the floor
No one whose loud music annoys me
No one comes, too late, through the door.
For twenty-two years I’ve been busy
I’ve struggled as a single mom
For so long my thoughts and my actions
Have been centered on Ricky and Tom.
But Tom moved last year, to Nebraska
He and Susan bought their little farm
And Ricky just left for his college
I pray that he won’t come to harm.
But once my boys left, I was lonely
I felt so alone and unsure.
I’d longed for the peace and the quiet
Yet it proved too intense to endure.
So I prayed and asked God, “Help me cope now
Please help Your Love my heart to fill
Though I have friends and work, I feel lonely
And long to be used for Your Will.”
So, the Lord showed me folks in the Body
Who are lonely like I am, and need
A hand, or a friend, or a list’ner
As He shows me, His guidance I heed.
So I take Joy’s son out to the bus stop
And vacuum the rugs for Philippe
Maurice tuned my Chevy, last Tuesday
I’ve watched Kate’s kids, so she could sleep.
I took Mary to see her doctor
I cooked meals when Don’s father died
Anne listened, when I had a problem
And when Jayne lost her husband, we cried.
For God sets the lonely in families
He gives our deep longings a voice
I thank God for sending me purpose
And I treasure my “family of choice”.
Based on Psalms 68:6a: “God sets the lonely in families”
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One thought for critique: watch your rhymes; some of them sounded a little forced. Try to use unexpected rhymes instead of common ones.
Keep up the good work!
There were a few metrical blips here and there, but the rhyme scheme was good and the message was clear.
I really liked these stanzas:
"So I take Joy’s son out to the bus stop
And vacuum the rugs for Philippe
Maurice tuned my Chevy, last Tuesday
I’ve watched Kate’s kids, so she could sleep.
I took Mary to see her doctor
I cooked meals when Don’s father died
Anne listened, when I had a problem
And when Jayne lost her husband, we cried."
The first one was especially nice being a mirror of the opening stanza but with a happier view! Thanks for sharing!