There I sat alone,
watching and waiting for what?
For some last minute reprieve?
For someone to come and tell me that this nightmare was ended.
That my baby girl was going to be fine and they had made a horrible mistake.
But no that wasn’t going to happen and my beautiful little seven-year-old daughter was dying.
My mind even now rebelled at the thought.
This wasn’t the way it should be.
It should have been me, not this innocent little one.
The doctors had told me that morning in quiet and hushed tones.
It was inoperable and all we could do was wait and sedate.
The many months of chemo for nothing.
All that time as we had rushed her along a rollercoaster of ups and downs had been for naught.
Now every minute was precious, every second with her a miracle to be savoured.
I was storing up memories to last me a lifetime.
My eyes seemed to drink her in
I couldn’t get enough of her.
I was committing each and every detail to memory.
How perfect she is even without those long dark locks that had been so distinctive.
Her breath is shallow but even.
How am I going to cope without her?
How am I ever going to make it through each day?
I mustn’t let her see my pain.
My mind spins and churns as I go through each and every detail of the day.
How am I going to make it easier for her?
What can I do to make it less frightening for my little angel?
I had prayed for a miracle and it was not to be.
I wasn’t going to waste time and energy on why not’s.
This was her time.
Plenty of time later for questions.
Lord, show me what to do, help me to help her, give me something to ease her mind. Then it struck me. CHRISTMAS….
It was her favorite time of the year.
I was going to give my little girl one last Christmas….. for us both.
Once the seed of an idea was in my brain it didn’t take long to work out the details.
Thank god for mobile phones.
I started to call up friends, relatives, everyone I could think of and fired out my needs like a machine gun.
The hospital was harder to convince but I wasn’t going to be put off.
It took 2 days and a lot of organizing but eventually we were ready….
We had decorated an empty room with streamers and balloons and a tree.
There were presents in all sizes under it and friends and family waiting to greet her.
We rolled her in on her bed, too weak now to walk.
Her eyes filled with wonder as she weakly smiled at me.
Baby this is your Christmas.
" But mama its only June" she whispered in my ear.
“I know” I said, “ but I am sure Jesus wouldn’t mind if we brought it forward for you”
And so we spent a wonderful day with bears and bows and things.
A month later she was gone.
She left me quietly one morning, just closed her eyes and went to sleep.
The years have come and gone.
Many Christmas since then.
But still my mind is drawn back to that one special Christmas in June when my darling little girl gave me the best present in the world,
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