The Official Writing Challenge
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A gripping first chapter! On a technical note, you shifted point of view once or twice during the piece. If you're not sure what I'm on about, PM me. Sounds like this one should be made into a block-buster!
This was well written. I enjoyed reading it. It didn't seem to end, however. There was seemingly no plot at the end. All the writing and the story itself were good.
This reminds me of starwars (and that's a very high compliment1 ^_^) Lots of action and dialouge. Some missing punctuation and a few times I'm confused who's who and saying what. Double check your POV's. Otherwise, this read like a first chapter and makes me want to read a lot more. Good title too.