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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the SCIENCE FICTION genre (05/10/07)

TITLE: A REVELATION
By Alfreda Byars
05/12/07


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A REVELATION

There we were, thousands of us all lined up, men, women, children of all ages, and all races. They are treating us like cattle being led to the slaughter. They had us all dressed in white robes. They were shoving and pushing us along this long corridor. They kept yelling at us to be quiet. We were all somewhat afraid. We had no idea of what was about to happen.

We were being guarded by soldiers. They had riffles and looked mean enough to use them without any hesitation. The soldiers were dressed in green uniforms, with their shirts neatly tucked into their pants, that were belted at the waist. Their pants were also tucked into their black combat like books that were laced up high near the back of the calf of the leg. On their heads, they wore a matching green cap pretty much like the baseball cap.

Across from where we were all standing in the hall, were a wall of prison cells. One of the soldiers who stood holding his gun also held a large key ring in his hand that was full of keys. He then walked over to one of the prison doors and unlocked it. Out stepped one of the greatest sights I had ever beheld, and this greatness I speak of was of nothing good.

When the soldier opened the gate and moved back, I saw an image like none I had ever seen. He stood at least 6 feet tall. He had on the same kind of uniform as the soldiers, but he wore no cap. His hair was long, thick, golden, and flowing like that of a woman. He had the body of a body builder, broad shoulders, large muscle bound arms, and you could even see the shape of his legs through his pants that they too were even muscular. He walked like a brute beast and his eyes were dark, cold, lifeless like that of a cow without the white. Total darkness. When I saw this, I knew where we were, I knew what time it was, and all I could Say was GOD HELP US!


kjv - Revelation 13:
15. And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many that would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.

9. If any man have an ear, let him hear.


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This article has been read 640 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jacquelyn Horne05/19/07
Well written. Good job.
Dan Louise Mann05/23/07
Don't know if the judges will think this fits the sci-fi topic, but I liked the imagery. It was a short piece but packed a lot into it. I think your second paragraph where you describe the soldier uniforms in such detail was words you could have used elsewhere to expand your story. As I was reading I kept wondering if there was a reason for us to know so much about the uniforms, but it didn't seem to add to the story. Your description of the beast was chillingly good. I especially liked the line about the eyes being like "cows without the whites." Kudos to you, keep writing, much promise here.