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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: My Trip To Wal-Mart
By Roze Vessey
04/16/07


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Now my family goes out town alot. At least once a week for my brother's basketball games (he's a basketball freak) and I have doctors app. my daughter has doctors app. and I also go out to WIC. Every time we got out there we HAVE to stop in at wal-mart. It's like a pit stop after a long roadtrip. You pick up eveything you need. I'm also one of those people who have to go to the bathroom, ALL THE TIME. It just happens. So now i'm in the bathroom, and I'm so positive that my mom is in the next stall right? So I stand up on top of the toilet coz’ I decide I'm gonna scare her and drop something over the top. I mean your sitting there and all of a sudden soemthing falls on you, it could be a spider!!! So you scream, jump up, make a huge scene, that's funny right? I stand up there and drop this piece of a pencil I had with me and that’s when I look down and notice. IT’S NOT MY MOM! So now I’m scramblin’ to get down off the toilet before this person, whoever the heck she is, looks up and see’s me! So when I go to get down my foot slips and I land right in the toilet, that little hole thing. I know what you're thinking. That this only happens in movies, or to little kids. But I was 17 years old when this happened and i'm here to tell you, it wasn't a movie. So now I'm freakin’ out and shoutin’ ‘oh my gosh my foots stuck!’ becasue I can't help that little exclamation. I'm jumping around trying to get out of this little problem straining agaisn't a porcilen bowl. My enemy, and it's not even alive. So I pull forward, struggling with all my stength ( and trust me, I got alot) only I don’t come out, I just drop down, smashing my head on the door, slamming my knee into the ground and wedging my foot even deeper. Dang that hurt, let me tell ya. Now I'm half in the toilet and half out, and I'm pullin’ as hard as I can trying to get it loose. Suddenly it does and I'm FREE! I dont know how it came loose but I can tell you I was pretty happy when it did. So I'm all excited and when I step outside the stall these people are all staring at me and I go ‘what? You never got your foot stuck in toilet before?’ everyone starts laughing so I book it outa there and don’t say anything to anyone. It was embaresing enough being there. And belive it or not, this is a true story. Which makes it all the more humorous right?


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This article has been read 504 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 04/19/07
I could definitely picture this series of events, and it's funny, all right! Your casual writing style helped to establish the informal, narration tone. However, it can still take some edits and revisions for spelling and word usage. You don't want to totally lost the youthful "voice," but you do want to polish it a bit so that you don't lose readers who are put off by errors. Keep writing and practicing, and reading other examples of work with a strong "voice"--you'll do fine.
Jacquelyn Horne04/20/07
I've been stuck in a lot of places, but a toilet is a new one. Where was your mom when you needed her? TeeHee!
Ed VanDeMark04/21/07
Very funny. You have a great sense of humor, never lose it. My father, brother and nephew are plumbers. I've heard dozens of bathroom stories. This one measures up there with some of their best. I'm glad you have this great sense of humor "what" is great attitude.
Brenda Welc04/21/07
If I had been your mom I would have pretended you were a neice I was shopping with (LOL)! Great story. I too liked the style you wrote it in, it really fit the situation.
LaNaye Perkins04/23/07
I could picture this whole scene. You did a great job describing it. Very funny!
Benjamin Graber04/27/07
Oh, my - I can't believe that actually happened to you! I think I would be totally embarrassed if that happened to me...
Terry Atchison04/29/09
Funny! I believe it. Can't make them up. Thank you for your comments about my story on partial birth abortion. I tried to get it formatted correctly, but it kept running everything back together. So, I just left it as is. Glad you like it. Thank you.
Terry

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