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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Shopping (03/01/07)

TITLE: Trip of Hope
By Genstacia Bull
03/08/07


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Rita bit her lower lip as she was forced to hold the door for a teenage mum as she made her way into Asda Superstores. She peers into the pushchair and calculates that the baby could not be more than nine months old. The harassed teenager mutters her gratitude and pushes the chair along. She pads through the shop going round the long way so she could avoid the children clothes section. The shop would be bustling with children running through the aisles. Had she realised it was half term, she would have stayed at home but then she did not anticipate the unexpected trip.

Even the aroma of fresh bread and cinnamon did not appeal to her today. ‘I am walking on sunshine’ playing in the store was ironic because as far as her soul was concerned there were dark clouds all around. She walks through the card section and noticed a young girl in tight jeans and a low neck belly top agonising over I love you cards. She gave the girl a wry smile as they made eye contact. Rita realised that had things gone according to plan, she might have been scolding someone her age to cover herself up.

As she made her way to the personal hygiene section she bumps into a burly man who scowls at her for been inattentive. She stared at him in anger before giving him a begrudged apology.

“Pardon” she jolted back into reality when an assistant asked if she needed help. “No I am fine. Thanks.” She gathered pace and flung the despised box of blue tampax into her basket and aimlessly grabbed some other essentials that she was not sure she needed.

As she made her way to the checkout, an old lady pushed a little comic book into her hand and said “Jesus loves you.” Rita wanted to fling it back at her, but thought better of it. The woman was old enough to be her grandma. She shoved it in her coat pocket and continued to the checkout.


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This article has been read 457 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Martha Ford03/10/07
The picture of setting and the main character's state of mind came through, but I wanted more of the story. Why was the character so sad and/or angey? Why did she react so toward children? Why the reaction to the man? Keep writing. Thanks!
Donna Emery03/12/07
This shows your talent as a writer but I agree that I was puzzled as to the main character's mood and to how the title connects to the story. I'd love to see this rewritten but with more detail.