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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Shopping (03/01/07)

TITLE: Remembering the Market
By thadd presley


I decided not to go shopping with my mother because of homework. I had a paper due in my creative writing class and it was going to take me all day to finish it. I'm not a writer and I often wondered why I took the class, but at times I enjoy letting others know my thoughts.

For the assignment, I had to write about everyday experiences and how time had changed them. The topic came slowly because I hadn't anything to write about, but soon I was typing away at the keyboard.

"Shopping" by Balinda H.P. Lovecraft

Having to shop has always been a woman's job, at-least that's the way it's always seemed. My mother shops for our house, perhaps because she's the cook or because she knows where the bargains hide. At any rate, we know men can't shop.

In olden times, it was probably different. The women that went to the market probably went for things other than food. The gardens and the livestock kept people in food then. So, what about even older times, the old-old times; in, let's say, Noah's Day. What would shopping have been like then?

I pictured a rugged market lined with bearded men, selling vegetables, goats, and supplies for travelers. Then, it occurred to me that in those days no-one heeded God's Word and lived for their own accord. Sure there was a market, but it took on a different color for me then.

With children linked together like slaves and human parts hanging on hooks, the bearded men, now macabre carnival barkers wielding heavy cleavers, imparted the bought to the buyers and traded in death. This quickly caused me to rebuke my own sanity. I wanted not to think of it.

Then, it was too late. I heard them. I heard them barking.

"Virgins for sell." And I saw them, with beards bouncing. "Fresh meat."

"Only five years old," another voice barked, "still untouched by man."

A giant stepped into the street then -- yes, there was giants then -- pointing at a fat, blonde boy in a wooded cage. "How much," he bellowed to the bearded man.

"That will be two."

At this, the boy started crying and rocking his cage.

"But to have as a slave, I will sell him for three."

The hairy giant handed forth an unknown amount and the boy's cage was opened. Seeing his freedom, he ran out, but the giant swooped him up and bit into him, blood squirting out like jam from a jelly doughnut.

Then, a shadow passed over and I looked hard into the sky, where a dark shape had formed. A giant bird, I thought. But, no, it had legs and arms.

It was an angel.

I had forgotten they lived with man in those days. But since they were there, they would need things from the market as well.

At the angel's arrival, all the barkers, with beards bouncing, started barking. "Virgins!! Virgins!!" The voices came from everywhere. "Just the right age. Never been touched by man!!"

It dawned on me then that the angels impregnated the women in those days and would have bought the young girls from the market while seducing the older women from their homes.

"I've got the perfect girl for you Ariel," a barker yelled loudly, obviously knowing the angel. "She's one from the tribes, perfect for you."

The angel turned toward the voice. With a booming, beautiful voice, which sounded like many choirs singing, he asked the barker if he would take a trade. "Of course, of course, come this way," the bearded barker pleaded.

Into the tent they went, the angel having to duck the upper flap.

When they exited the tent, I was watching one of the bearded men sell what looked like an internal organ to a haggardly old lady. Knowing better, I told myself it wasn't human.

I watched the angel fly out of sight, wondering what he traded for the girl he held in his arms. I didn't watch him long because the barking started again.

"Virgins!! Virgins!!"

I closed my eyes to the bright sun and tried not to feel the excruciating heat. It was miserable here in the desert. The wind did not move.

Another angel landed in the market, looming over everyone. But, this time, no one said anything. No one barked, for everyone was looking into the sky.

I felt the cold wind on my face.

I realized, it had started raining.

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This article has been read 859 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Clyde Blakely03/09/07
You have a way with words. Unfortunately for this father and grandfather a little too gruesome. Good imagination into the spirit world and history; fortunately this was fiction.
Keeping writing. Follow God.
Jacquelyn Horne03/10/07
I didn't quite understand the purpose of this article. It was shocking to say the least. Always remember the market you're writing for.
Donna Powers 03/11/07
The dialog was well written and you described the subject well. I agree that it was a bit too graphic for my taste but I look forward to reading more of your work.
Marilee Alvey03/12/07
You have a lot of talent, it's very clear to see. Your description, your sense of drama, your knowledge of grammar and structure are all very evident. However, you are in the wrong market for this piece.

Hollywood markets stories like this...and I'm not saying they don't do well. I am currently involved in a movie ministry so that people can see uplifting stories instead of this type that has no message or point. It's shock for shock's sake. This is Lord of the Flies material here. We are trying to bring hope and encouragement to people, sometimes by the person of Jesus, sometimes simply by encouragement or laughter. We want to give people a reason to be grateful: we have a Savior and He rose from the dead. Because of Jesus, we can rise above these base instincts and become more than our sin nature decrees. We now have power over sin. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admireable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:7-9, NIV

This story contained not even a hint of hope for our fallen world. We can get that in a news story. In "Remembering the Market" please remember YOUR market. You are a talented writer. Will you be part of the problem or part of the solution? Personally, with this talent, I hope you choose Faithwriters. May God bless and direct you as you develop your talents!
thadd presley03/12/07
I suppose the only hope seen in this article is the Rain that comes in the end. I think this is the beginning of Noah's Flood, which would explain the gruesomeness of the market day. Life could have been like that back then, when people truly went against God's teachings, when only Noah and 7 others where allowed to retain their life. Everyone else was evil -- very evil.

Probably, which is what I think this is trying to point out, is Noah's Day was way more evil than now. Atleast today, some fear God's judgement.

This piece was shocking, but historical and even a bit educational.

The point I see in this peice, is that God -- just like most of us -- despised the things happening in that market and Flooded the world to prove it.

Look at today and what's happening in the world. God is still in control, but do we fear his judgment? and just like the rain at the end of the story, God is going to do away with sin again and it will be swift.

This is not the market for this, obviously, but I believe it is trying showing God's Judgement and how it is just.

Joan Calabrese03/12/07
After having read the clarifying comment found after my first comment, I wanted to come back and admit that, being so shocked with the violent images, I missed the rain falling at the end being part of the Flood! I will never again doubt God's need to cleanse the Earth. That's a certainty. The writer certainly has proven that point. With abilities like this, this writer won't be in beginner's for long. If he can shock me so effectively, I'd sure like to see how effectively he could write using other themes. I look forward to seeing what he can do with "Music."
Marilee Alvey03/12/07
Okay, now the comments on this story are going to look like they came from the Three Stooges...only they're all me! I helped a friend sign up for Faithwriters on my computer tonight and forgot to log her out, so the comment above this one is mine, though it says it belongs to Joan. It's mine all right...so now I'll quit playing Keystone Cops and go to bed!
Cassie Memmer03/13/07
cindy yarger03/13/07
I'm glad that you got one "excellent"! I think that this is an extremely well written piece. As christians we don't like to see just how bad we have the capability of becoming, but it is there none-the-less. Apart from Christ we all have the ability to look like this. I think that you have hit the right audience. I think it is good to be reminded of what we have been redeemed of. You didn't leave us without hope because you showed the rain and in that rain was God - the only one that can redeem us! Maybe not an easy piece to read but definitely worth it...great job!
Shari Armstrong 03/13/07
Wow -what a powerful piece. A few minor grammar/typo problems -but an amazing piece. You drew me right in with you.
Joanne Malley03/13/07
There's no real way to know how horrendous people were in Noah's time, but I appreciate the shocking way that you tried to bring forth your point.

Certainly God thought people were vile; his reason to start over. I don't think a non-Christian would "get" it so I do feel the Christian market is the place for it. It'll grab any Christian by the throat and help us to see the urgency and fate of this world

In turn, it's an eye opener which can help us witness with more fervor. Not usually a fan of "dark" writing, but your talent is evident. Great writing job! Blessings, Jo
TJ Nickel03/13/07
Good piece.
"This quickly caused me to rebuke my own sanity. I wanted not to think of it."
You, having written this bit quoted here, should understand the emotion displayed in the comments you received. Good job.
Catrina Bradley 03/15/07
You have a great writing talent that goes well with your vivid imagination! Very gripping tale of what the world might have been like before the flood. Keep writing!!