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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Shopping (03/01/07)

TITLE: Experiences
By Jessica Hyatt


Some call it a passion I think of it more as a monthly expense that well at times can be very satisfying and at others more of a ,“where is the money in the budget for all the things we need”. The search for the perfect item seems to never be what you expect , its kind of like you sit down at a expensive restaurant and order something very exotic and expensive , but your husbands cheeseburger taste much better. I think I know going in to a shop what it is I'm looking for , but I usually come out with something totally opposite of what I originally sought out to get. I guess that is part of the fun, almost like a scavenger hunt for that shirt that fits perfect and still remains affordable.
The adventure takes on a will of its own when it comes to shopping for the family. I have learned that what I think is the cutest most appropriate outfit is not quite viewed the same way through the eyes of an eight year old girl. The compromise must begin ! We seem to come back and forth to each other with different articles of clothes at least fifty times before the agreement can be made. We look at each other and smile , because I think we both know in our heads that through the disagreeing we have really had fun just being together. I think the silver lining at the end of a long day of shopping and compromising for me is, is that I spent one more day showing my daughter, who is still full of innocence one more life lesson of becoming a young woman.
About once a month the scavenger hunt starts all over, as another important event arrives or the season changes we start the search again. The same disagreements the same differences in clothing , but the same shared experiences of being with mommy. I know one day she will be a teenager and be making these choices in clothing by herself , my prayer for her is that some piece of what I taught her all those years will stay inside her and give her the wisdom to make good choices. I will forever cherish the memories of our times together, because with a blink of an eye I will be by her side as she searches for the perfect wedding dress.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Helen Paynter03/08/07
All too true - how quickly they grow up.
Technically, I'd suggest shorter sentences.
The ending was particularly strong.
Jacquelyn Horne03/09/07
Very nostalgic thought here. Been there/done that! Nice memory maker, shopping.
Donna Powers 03/14/07
A sweet story and very nice. I would also suggest some paragraphs here. Nice work
Deborah Porter 03/20/07
Jessica, this was one of those "awww" type entries that will appeal to people just like me. My daughter got married last year, and she still loves her "Mummy and Kylie" days (her name for them). We spend most Mondays together, usually having lunch at the shops and looking around. I hope you'll always have those special times with your daughter.

From a Challenge perspective, there was one thing that really let your lovely entry down - and that was a lack of punctuation. The first sentence is a classic example:

"Some call it a passion I think of it more as a monthly expense that well at times can be very satisfying and at others..."

As a writer, you have to direct each sentence so that the reader knows exactly when to pause or break, and how to interpret what you mean. Without punctuation, the reader is left floundering to make sense. They often work it out, but sometimes they get it wrong, and then it leaves them confused. The sentence would have been really clear if you had written it like this:

"Some call it a passion. I think of it more as a monthly expense that, well, at times can be very satisfying, and at others..."

If you wait a day or two after writing your entry, and then go back and read it out loud (even if you feel a bit silly doing it - wait until everyone is out of the house), making sure that you notice where you naturally feel inclined to pause or stop. Use that to help you work out where the punctuation should go. You'll get it, I know, and when you do, your writing will take a giant leap forward.

I'm looking forward to seeing that happen.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator and Editor, FaithWriters' Magazine)