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“Are you all ready to go?”,
My beautiful wife cooed.
Newspaper sale adds galore
Inflated prices for the fooled.
Married in nineteen eighty-six
The year I finished my shopping,
Yet every Christmas I’m asked again
By my wonderful wife a hoping.
Endure crowds, noise, and the cold
To make that one final purchase
For the aunt in a faraway state
We thought had been laid to rest.
How can I refuse my dear,
For it is the season to be jolly.
She’s standing under mistletoe -
To say “no” would be folly.
I hide my emotions and
Put on a smile to get that kiss
I won’t let her know about
The TV special I’ll miss.
Into the dark and on slippery roads
We venture forth to seek a gift
Amid drivers (I can’t use the terms)
Who leave me a little miffed.
Stores with more people than goods
Bumping each other on every aisle.
What do you get a 102 year old
She thinks would be in style?
Frantic looks everywhere
While Christmas music blares.
Jesus, the reason for celebrating;
But does anyone really care?
The Spirit of the holiday
Ruled unconstitional
By men in black robes
Who should be institutional.
Decision made, we wait the line
Other lines seem to be gaining
Who’s the person at the head
Whose purchases keep changing?
Fifty coupons for all buys
Yet still they do ask
For a two cent savings
“Price check on register six.”
Checkout employees working
Without Christmas cheer
Thousands of shoppers
Toting their last minute gear.
Checkers thinking, “Just a
Few more hours to fill,
Please, Dear Lord, help me
This customer not to kill.”
“Tomorrow is Christmas,
Give me Your Joy then.
To spend with my family
And not in the State Pen.”
Tensions mount with each delay
Red faced customers in line
“Please, Dear Lord, give
Us a diversion in time.”
With emotions strained, a cry is heard
A Mother with wailing boy a hanging
Laughter reigns as tension ease.
“Look, Honey, a husband in training!”
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