The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/15/07
I really enjoyed this story! It brought back memories of my own childhood and left me with a delicious nostalgic feeling. I especially enjoyed the specific descriptions (the grandpa's accordion, the popcorn, the cool feel of linoleum beneath bare feet, the "lumpy" landscape, and so on). These made me feel as though I were right there!

This memoir would come alive even more vividly with dialogue added among the "six little Indians." Great title, by the way--it grabbed me!
02/17/07
This is wonderful--sort of reminds me of a voice-over for a film, because I could just visualize everything. This is very rich in detail.

If this goes elsewhere, change the "was" in the first sentence to a "were." Other than that minor glitch, this evocative story was absorbing and atmospheric reading.