The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 643 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I liked your story but feel the ending could be punched up a little with more conversation with Papa. It ended too adruptly.
02/09/07
I really like WWII stories, and we don't often read about the WACs.

This could be sparkled up a bit with little details...what was cooking? What color was the sofa where they sat and heard the news? What did the radio announcement sound like? Help us to sense everything that Margaret is sensing, and we'll care even more deeply for her.

I like the way you worked "fishing" into this story.
I agree. A little more reaction to the news maybe. Like: "Inez lowered her head...Mama's face shown with shock...Lizzie looked stunned...and Dot's hands soothed the soon-to-be grandchild." (Just an example of what could be done.) I really loved the story.
02/14/07
I enjoyed the story so much. I felt like I was just getting a chance to get the know the characters, and then it ended abruptly.With more character development, details, & extended storyline, this could be the seed for a wonderful novel! Great Job!