The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/08/07
What precious time spent with your grandfather!

This will read more smoothly with some work on paragraphing--grouping related sentences together, rather than starting each new sentence on its own line.

Your grandfather's love for his Princess is very sweet here.
I liked the twist. I thought it was a boy talking at first. Cute! Yes, it needs a little construction work, but the pov is great.