The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/02/07
I really like the idea behind this story. Biblical fiction can be really fun to read and write. However, I think this needed to be expanded. It read too much like the actual story. Try actually putting yourself into the story. How did the main character feel? Was he thinking Phil was crazy to come up to him in the car like that? What was it that Phil said that made things really "click?" Like I said earlier, you've got a great start here. I'd love to see the expanded, because I think you would really have a great story.
02/02/07
I agree with Allison and her remarks above. You got the bones of the story here in this entry...now flesh it out. Use your five senses and don't be afraid to try to incorporate things that is part of your world. For example, name a highway in your area or even a local river, stuff like that helps flesh out the setting even more.
Most importantly, keep on writing--you'll improve with practice!
02/03/07
My first, short article for this site surprised even me when I read it later, on line, and realized there was so much missing. I agree that your plot is very interesting and I'm sure you have more story inside you to add. Can't wait to read it!