The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/26/07
How sad that a man could abandon his family, but it does happen both with work and with other interests. I pray he finds a way to get his life back, and then someday be reunited with his family. You wrote this sad story well.
01/29/07
What I like - I like the story you are telling - and I like the emotions you want to reveal. I like the beginning too.
What I might change - watch some tense shifts and do some editing here and there. The dialogue is good but stiff in a few places - try reading it out loud and see if it flows (I know that helps me a lot)
I like your whole story line and the scripture that goes with it. Just making a few changes here and there will really strengthen your story! Promise!