The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You have a lot of ideas in this piece. Some of your descriptive phrases are very nice. With a little polishing, this could be an excellent piece... as it is, I enjoyed it very much.
What I liked - wonderful descriptive language throughout - you gave us a nice hint at some interesting characters making us want to know more -What I might change - watch some change of tenses here and there and maybe work on your ending somewhat - I really think you are very talented and with just a little stretching and tweaking - this will be even better. You do have a wonderful way with words! Keep at it!
Much to muse on in this delightful story, and the ride was enjoyable with the beautiful descriptions of God's world. (Spacing was much more reader friendly this time...) Great potential here - as you hold the reader's interest to the end. Nice job.