The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/26/07
You succeed very well in putting yourself in this woman's shoes. Perhaps it's a little too one-sided. Her confidence in God would shine out even more if we learn a little more about her inevitable struggles.
One editing matter. The sentence beginning "I guess it takes a big shock..." is a key sentence in the piece. I feel it would be better expressed in the active rather than the passive mood.
Good work. I enjoyed reading it.
01/27/07
This is very nice. I love her faith. My only suggestion is to use paragraphs to create an easier-to-read story. Nice work.