The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/07/06
Good writing.
The more you write the better it gets!
God bless
12/08/06
I admire Pastor John's busy schedule and how he dealt with it. By putting God first and selflessly giving of his time, he is able to deal with the different problems of his ministry. You have conveyed this very well in your presentation.
12/13/06
A lovely story and easy reading. I did feel though, that it was more 'told' than 'shown'. Try using more present tense words, like walking, instead of walked, to bring the reader right into the atmosphere of the story-world and keep them there. I noticed you blended in several instances of when and where a pastor was needed and availble, that was pretty good, but needed a bit more emphasis, to show the individuality of each character. This has a lot of potential though, thanks for sharing! :)
12/13/06
It was a good story, and with a little rework it could be great. Perhaps finding a friend to read over it, or reading aloud would show you places that need worked on.

Double check the verb shifts from past tense to present. I am also having troubles with this so it really jumps out at me.
12/13/06
You told a nice story here. I would have liked to "seen" a little more though. I think some dialogue would have helped here a lot. It breaks up the gray space of your story, and adds a different dimension to your character. It helps to give your reader a visual of your character, and when he or she speaks, it gives the reader a little more of an idea who he is. You not only have to get the reader to care about your message, but the character on which the story rides. Keep up the good work. Very good job. God bless.