The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/16/06
Great job with the dialog, and with communicating the lesson in a non-preachy way. I'm not sure why the boy didn't swim, though--swimming is one of the exercises that amputees can do quite well. Your characters well all well-drawn and interesting--nice story!
11/18/06
Great message & very well done. Thank you.
11/22/06
Good message, you might want to limit the speech tags and the exclamation marks - both sorta overwhelmed a really nice story. Keep writing, you have a good flair for narration.
This was great. The conversation moved along really well. I agree with Dub re: the exclamations and tags. Once you rework your story without them, or less of them, you will be pleasantly surprised at the results. I had a hard time picturing the MC as nine years old, but that's probably me more than anything that was written. Good job. I really enjoyed this.
11/22/06
Very good - good dialogue and very believable. Nice opening, great ending. Had me interested from beginning to end.
11/23/06
A great lesson told in a very engaging way! Love your last line - sums everything up perfectly! Great job of characterization on your main character! Keep writing.
Very skillfully wiritten. I like how you revealed the real punch of the story in the last sentences. COngratulations!