The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/16/06
Very sweetly written, and I feel as if I know little Ally.

In the last two paragraphs, you seem to suggest that Ally's mom is her "lifeguard," and also that Jesus is. I think your ending would have more impaxt if you chose one or the other.

Your descriptive prose is quite lovely.
11/19/06
Oh, how lovely. You have a real gift for description. Your words here are powerful. I really enjoyed this. Very nice