The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/16/06
What a poignant story!

I wonder about your use of the word "sacrifice", as it usually implies the giving up of something in order to gain something greater. There's usually a noble connotation, and Tom was not noble, but rash.

However, the story is well-written and suspenseful. Thanks for writing it.
11/19/06
What a sad thing to happen but it's an excellent warning. Rules are made for a reason and your story is a good example of why. Good work