The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/16/06
You did a great job of capturing the atmosphere of that era!

There were some minor problems with mechanics and POV.

This was a very visual piece, and I enjoyed it.
Chattanooga Choo-Choo is one of my grandparents favorite songs! Great visuals here. Punctuation and spacing needs to be looked at but other than that you've done a great job. ie: ,.?! should be placed inside your quotes, add a space before writing your next sentence and instead of telling the reader, show them (“ Well, Jack Porter”, said Peggy and tossed her brown hair. - "Well Jack Potter," Peggy said as she tossed her brown hair, "you avoided...)I hope these pointers help you as you continue to glorify the Lord with your gift of writing.
11/19/06
A very sweet and touching story. It definitely captured my interest and I enjoyed reading it. Good work
11/23/06
I really liked this story! You put me in the time and place with your writing. Please keep it up!