The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 829 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Oh, I like this. I'm glad the doctor did the right thing. Well done!
Needs editing in some places. For example, "Five hours of paranoia made him." Other than that, good moral tale.
I really liked this story. It had lots of accurate medical info and was believable, but there were a couple of distracting things to me (a medical person myself). I would have left out the lines where the lawyer asks him if he has malpractice and the doctor says no. It's not believable in this day and age that a pediatrician would be able to practice anywhere in the USA without malpractice. Leaving out that part wouldn't detract from the story. Whether he has malpractice or not, it doesn't make sense to me that his lawyer, who apparently is going to represent him at trial, doesn't already know that.

Then I wondered about one other line:
“Well-yeah- I don’t suppose I would have paid as much attention if it was okay" It seems that "as" was a mistake in that sentence, leaving it out makes more sense. Or else it needs to be turned around to reflect the other side of that, i.e., "I would have paid a lot of attention if it was abnormal."

But all in all, great story. Kudos to you!
11/11/06
Very well told! This had me on the edge of my seat, and I am SO glad the doctor made the right decision! Great job.
11/11/06
Excellent and I really was drawn into his struggle. I was also glad he did the right thing. I am a nurse and loved the accurate information about RSV, though I agree with the previous comment that this doctor would surely have had to have some malpractice insurance. But I liked the story very much and I encourage you to keep writing.
11/12/06
I agree with the other commenters, some editing needs done, but a great story. Also - I wouldn't consider 1 in the morning "early" but late. I was saying "no no, don't do it" when I thought the Dr was going to cheat. So glad he didn't. You really drew me in. Great job!
11/14/06
Loved the title. This was quite suspenseful read near the end. I'm glad he did the right thing. Good job!