The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/27/06
A wonderful testimony and I can empathize with Cathy's feelings. I loved the ending and the reminder that the Lord always provides for His servants. Nice job!
I love the excitement of the new missionaries. There are some grammar errors, but great story.
10/30/06
This is a sweet story with lots of promise. Good work.
Great story. I could feel the excitement of the husband and wife!
11/01/06
A very good testimony of missionary love and work. Keep writing. Thank you for posting.
Wonderful description in the first pragarpah. I noticed a few minor grammar errors, but this was a pleasant read, and a nice tribute to missionary families. Thank you for sharing.
11/01/06
This was pretty good, very enjoyable reading.
I did notice at one time your POV changed, it was first person and then a sentence or two later it was in third.
Otherwise, good story :)
11/02/06
A very sweet story with a strong messgae that was ministered effectively. Good job. Let me give you one thing to work on. Try writing a story without any adjectives. And then go back to your story, and if you can change colors on your word program, add in some adjectives here and there in a different color, and see where you put them and see if they strike a balance in the story as a whole and if they highlight the areas you want highlighted, eccentuate the points at the moment you want them eccentuated. You don't want too many adjectives. They are special words that lets the reader know you want them to remember this, especially in a short essay. Keep up the good work. God bless.