The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/19/06
This was great. I loved the end, the line with the officer 'materializing' was a great choice of words. Definitely brought a chuckle!
10/20/06
Loved the title! Very good lesson here and you definitely had me through the whole thing. Excellent work!
10/22/06
Enjoyed this - and especially the little conversation between the preacher and the Spirit - wish I could hear Him that audibly sometimes! Great read!
10/23/06
Ditto on the others' comments. A great lesson in policing our own lives! A little thing that made me stumble a bit - you might put some of the sentences together as paragraphs. But other than that, it was really an enjoyable read. Good job!
10/24/06
I love your take-off on the TV series title: "Law and Order - Criminal Intent". But best of all is the excellent message, well delivered. Good writing.
Really enjoyed your writing. I also loved the title! It's what grabbed me and motivated me to read the story! ( which, of course, is what a title should do!)
11/15/06
What I liked - great story told. Good opening and it flowed nicely.
What I might change - Watch those exclamation points again - your verb often tells the reader of the excitement or mood. Watch the dialogue tags like 'thinking' or thoughts filled my head - you might want to delete them. Also I noticed many sentences that could be better broken into shorter ones. Watch the 'ands' and mix up your sentence lenghts for variety and interest.:)