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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)

TITLE: Law and Order: Biblical Intent
By Everest Alexander
10/15/06


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My heart sank deep within me as the flashing blue and red lights illuminated my rearview mirror.

“Ohhhh nooooo! Awww, God! I can’t believe this! I DO NOT believe this!

“Not another one? Not another speeding ticket! I just paid the last one two weeks ago,” I thought to myself.

I’d just left Jake and Suzy’s home after doing a business presentation highlighting my company’s wellness products.

I showed them how their health could be enhanced simply by switching to my company’s better, safer products and they agreed by setting up a Preferred Customer Account.

I left with mixed emotions knowing that I’d just helped another couple begin a healthier lifestyle but realizing too, that I was now guilty of keeping God and my family waiting for me to start our family devotions.

And this wasn’t the first time! So, as guilt weighed heavy on my conscience I laid heavy on the accelerator!

That’s when the night lit up behind me like a Christmas tree.

My 2004 Toyota Corolla began slowing down as my foot automatically depressed the brake pedal, until I realized I was still on the main road and couldn’t make a safe stop there.

“Idiot,” I chided myself as I turned into the first side street and brought the car to a stop!

Those bright, cheerily, depressing lights followed me.

I fished in my seat pocket and deftly removed my Driver’s License and in one smooth motion flipped open the Glove Compartment and began rummaging through the assorted documents pretending to look for my vehicle’s registration – I knew it wasn’t in there.

It was somewhere back at my house but I never bothered looking for it to keep it in the car.

The officer materialized with the customary, “License and registration please?”

I handed him my license and continued fiddling with the papers in the Glove Compartment muttering to myself, “Where could this thing be?”

He eventually gave up waiting for me to produce the document and assured me he’d be back as he strode back to his unit.

This is when I REALLY laid into myself!

“HOW STUPID COULD YOU BE?” The thought filled the inside of my head.

“You’re a man of God, you preach to people, you know better!”

The irony was that I was speeding home for the family’s Bible Study hour, which should have begun 15 minutes earlier. How ridiculous was that?

“Obey every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake Preacher, don’t you teach this?” I scolded myself!

“What can you teach your family by getting a speeding ticket on your way home to expound the word of God, huh?”

I sank deeper into depression as the officer returned and handed me the written judgment.

“Thank you, officer,” I offered weakly as I took the papers and put them on the seat beside me.

On resuming my journey the Holy Spirit broke through my thoughts with, “So, what did you learn?”

“Huh?” I responded.

“Why did you get yourself in that situation, AGAIN?” He explained.

“I was driving too fast! I should have slowed down. I…”

“Yes, yes, but WHY?” He demanded!

“I guess I didn’t prepare properly. I didn’t allow myself enough time to do the presentation and get back home on schedule.”

“And, this demonstrates what to you?”

“That I need to discipline myself and be more diligent in organizing my life?”

“Uh huh.” He encouraged. “Go on”

“I need to pay attention to the little things in my life such as locating the car’s registration and keeping it in the vehicle.

“And?”


I need to leave early to arrive early and obey the speed limit. You know, just generally do the right thing for the right reason at the right time.” I continued.

“Because it’s more important that my family see me living the life than hearing me preach about it!

“Bingo!” He said!

“You see son, if you police your own life the way you should, then, it won’t be necessary for me to use the Law to set you in order, got it?”

“Got it!” I responded!


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Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 10/19/06
This was great. I loved the end, the line with the officer 'materializing' was a great choice of words. Definitely brought a chuckle!
Donna Emery10/20/06
Loved the title! Very good lesson here and you definitely had me through the whole thing. Excellent work!
Joanne Sher 10/22/06
Enjoyed this - and especially the little conversation between the preacher and the Spirit - wish I could hear Him that audibly sometimes! Great read!
Catrina Bradley 10/23/06
Ditto on the others' comments. A great lesson in policing our own lives! A little thing that made me stumble a bit - you might put some of the sentences together as paragraphs. But other than that, it was really an enjoyable read. Good job!
Lynda Schultz 10/24/06
I love your take-off on the TV series title: "Law and Order - Criminal Intent". But best of all is the excellent message, well delivered. Good writing.
Leigh MacKelvey10/25/06
Really enjoyed your writing. I also loved the title! It's what grabbed me and motivated me to read the story! ( which, of course, is what a title should do!)
terri tiffany11/15/06
What I liked - great story told. Good opening and it flowed nicely.
What I might change - Watch those exclamation points again - your verb often tells the reader of the excitement or mood. Watch the dialogue tags like 'thinking' or thoughts filled my head - you might want to delete them. Also I noticed many sentences that could be better broken into shorter ones. Watch the 'ands' and mix up your sentence lenghts for variety and interest.:)