The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/19/06
Pretty good-the storyline could be slightly 'tightened up' to draw the reader in closer to feelings/emotions of Laynee's experience.
Wonderful story! Beautifully written! You left me with that satisfied, contented feeling like after a good meal. Just one observation, at the end of the sixth paragraph I would have substituted "possible" for "visible." Otherwise, a very good piece! Well written! You have skill as a writer!
10/19/06
An excellent story and very nicely told. Keep writing... you definitely have talent!
10/20/06
I really liked this story. I especially liked the last line, "Through God she served, and he protected". Well done!
10/24/06
Great story. And I, too, loved that last line - it tied in perfectly with your title and everything inbetween.
10/25/06
good job, I enjoyed the story, but there were a few grammar issues that you might want to watch for. Try running your piece through grammer check or get a buddy to read through it as well.

Once again, though, great job and keep up the great work.
Good writing! I could visualize the officer pulling the car over. Just a couple of very minor grammar things, but other than that, this is a very good piece.
10/25/06
I could feel myself in her shoes as she approached the car. My nerves were taut too! Good story
10/25/06
Good job with creating tension and resolution.

Most of your errors are punctuation-related. Perhaps brush up a bit on comma usage, or have someone peer-edit for punctuation.

Your story is well-plotted and gripping. Well done.
10/26/06
Good story line. You built up the tension nicely. There's a few places that perhaps could flow better, i.e. "she slowly exited the cruiser and walked to the driver’s side door of the car" as the word 'door' is not at all necessary. (In my humble opinion) Read your writing out loud to yourself and those things are more apt to pop out at you. But you've written this very well. Good job!