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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)

TITLE: Protecting Officer Monroe
By Aylin Smith


Protecting Officer Monroe

“It’s too quiet.” Murmured Officer Laynee Monroe while sitting in the median of 280 watching the cars whoosh past her radar gun pointed at oncoming traffic. This was her second year on the Childersburg Police Department and she loved every single minute of it.

Ever since she was a little girl, her dream was to follow in her fathers footsteps and become a real Police Officer. There were many a days when Mr. Monroe came home to find the neighbors kid sitting on the ground with hands behind their backs bound by toy handcuffs. A low chuckle would emit from his lips

“Laynee what are you doing?” he would ask, yet he already knew the answer. Sparkling blue eyes would peer up at him as she simply said. “I am being you daddy, keeping the bad guys away.” This always melted his heart. Kneeling down he wrapped her into a gentle embrace before meeting her gaze. “Always remember sweet Laynee to put God first, no matter what happens, he is there to guide you.”

Each morning an hour and half was spent in quiet time with God, knowing the lingering words of her father were right. She always could feel Gods presence with her.

Sighing softly, Laynee watched the cars come and go until a speeding red mustang flew past reaching 80 mph. Throwing her police cruiser into drive, she took off after the car.

Caution and calm were the words echoing inside her head as followed the mustang to the side of the road. “God walk with me” she whispered as she slowly exited the cruiser and walked to the driver’s side door of the car, after calling in her location and type of car pulled over. Adrenaline along with a hint of uneasiness coursed through her veins as she stopped in front of the door where a clear view of the driver and inside of the car was visible.

Inside the car was a young man, perhaps in his late twenty’s or early thirties, dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt, splattered with what looked like blood.

“Sir do you understand why I pulled you over? Are you hurt? Is that blood on your shirt?” she asked, her voice was strong, not once betraying the nervousness felt.

The man’s eyes were wild as he looked back at the officer; it was his luck to get stopped. He had been out of prison 3 years and would not go back at any cost. “Yeah, I was speeding” he said coldly then happened to look down at his shirt. Swearing beneath his breath, he reached for his billfold to retrieve his license. “It’s an old shirt” was all he managed to say before handing the ID to her.

Laynee took the license from him. “Stay right here I will be back” she said then turned to head back to her patrol car. Something didn’t feel right.

“I will not go back to jail” The man said then knew at that moment what he had to do. Gripping the gun stashed away, he threw open the door as the female officer got even with the back of the mustang. Cocking the hammer back, he rushed forward.

Laynee heard the door open and stopped short, she twisted around, hand upon her weapon. So this was the way things would be?

In the distance, the faint sounds of more police sirens echoed upon the breeze, yet her composure stayed eerily calm. “Don’t do this, put the gun down.” She said sternly.

The young man grew more agitated and angry as Laynee tried talking to him. “Shut up” he yelled moving closer to her until the barrel of the gun was touching her forehead. Reasoning would not work with him.

Shouts of other police officers reached them as guns were drawn in their direction, momentarily shifting the attention of Laynee’s captor giving her enough time to make her move. In the blink of an eye, Laynee shifted left using the force of her body weight and arm to knock the gun from his hand.

Startled he stumbled backwards before losing the grip on the gun. Both tumbled to the ground where with the help of fellow officers, were able to cuff him without anyone else getting hurt.

Later that night at home, Laynee thanked God for saving her life, and the life of the man that held her at gun point.

Through God she served and he protected.

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This article has been read 702 times
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Sara Harricharan 10/19/06
Pretty good-the storyline could be slightly 'tightened up' to draw the reader in closer to feelings/emotions of Laynee's experience.
Everest Alexander 10/19/06
Wonderful story! Beautifully written! You left me with that satisfied, contented feeling like after a good meal. Just one observation, at the end of the sixth paragraph I would have substituted "possible" for "visible." Otherwise, a very good piece! Well written! You have skill as a writer!
Donna Powers 10/19/06
An excellent story and very nicely told. Keep writing... you definitely have talent!
Pamela Kurbat10/20/06
I really liked this story. I especially liked the last line, "Through God she served, and he protected". Well done!
Lynda Schultz 10/24/06
Great story. And I, too, loved that last line - it tied in perfectly with your title and everything inbetween.
Ruth Neilson10/25/06
good job, I enjoyed the story, but there were a few grammar issues that you might want to watch for. Try running your piece through grammer check or get a buddy to read through it as well.

Once again, though, great job and keep up the great work.
Betty Castleberry10/25/06
Good writing! I could visualize the officer pulling the car over. Just a couple of very minor grammar things, but other than that, this is a very good piece.
Donna Haug10/25/06
I could feel myself in her shoes as she approached the car. My nerves were taut too! Good story
Jan Ackerson 10/25/06
Good job with creating tension and resolution.

Most of your errors are punctuation-related. Perhaps brush up a bit on comma usage, or have someone peer-edit for punctuation.

Your story is well-plotted and gripping. Well done.
Cassie Memmer10/26/06
Good story line. You built up the tension nicely. There's a few places that perhaps could flow better, i.e. "she slowly exited the cruiser and walked to the driver’s side door of the car" as the word 'door' is not at all necessary. (In my humble opinion) Read your writing out loud to yourself and those things are more apt to pop out at you. But you've written this very well. Good job!