The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/12/06
I could not decipher exactly who "you" were, was it the spirit of God inside you, or was it your spirit? Rework it a little and I'm sure you can work it out.
10/12/06
You have some great phrases here--like "douse with self-indulgences". I agree, though, that it's a bit unclear who is the narrator of this poem. I'd love to see the re-worked version.
10/15/06
You have some talent and a way with words, but I was also unclear as to the message of the poem.