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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fire-fighter (10/05/06)

TITLE: Consummed
By Louise Fountain


Growing up, I struggled in life ,trying to fit in, I played all kinds of sports and games, but never did I win.
One day I cut my hair, to look like Bobbie Joe,but people thought I looked the fool, they laughed at me, you know.
I wanted to be the popular one, a jewel for all to see, and somehow make them all regret, the way they laughed at me.
So that became my goal in life, to rise above them all, I set up traps, I plotted deciet, in hopes that they would fall.
The older I got, the more I tryed, to best those laughing faces,But deep inside, I learned to hide, a desire to trade their places.
That's it, I thought, no more nice girl, for the battle has begun, consummed with evil a touch of hate, the final straw is drawn.
Armored up to do great battle, I'll fight this for a while, before I knew it, my armor was pierced, by the arrow of a smile;
Oh no", it was a passerby, being nice to all she see's, be nice, I said, to all you want, but don't be nice to me;
"You're just like the rest", I told the lady, "pretending to befriend", and like them too, you'll laugh me through,I know that stupid grin;
Be gone, I've got my own friends now, who never laughs at me, they even helped me set the traps for all my foes, you see;
Allow me to introduce to you, the ones I owe my life, theres "bitterness", "loneliness",
"malice" and "warfare", and this ones name is "strif".
The lady looked at me and said,"I have some friends too", but you can rest assure,my girl, none of their names is cruel; "Peace" and "Joy" are with me, they'd like to be your friend, "Mercy" and "Forgiveness" are waiting to join in; "Beauty" want's to behold you, and '
"Care" is by your side, "Healing" will help you rid yourself of that ugly friend named "Pride". "Love" is the greatest friend, it overpowers all, giving you a burning desire, to fight for a greater cause.
I told my old friends goodbye that day, new friendships to begin, I may have lost a ballle or too, but victories I must win!.
I'm on a mission now,to make the broken whole,I'll fight to usher in the kingdom, the kingdom of lost souls.

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This article has been read 631 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Everest Alexander 10/12/06
A good effort! I like your creativity! You should keep writing! Two quick pointers, you should read more extensively to develop your vocabulary and before you submit your work, you should read it aloud to someone else and ask for their honest feedback.

I sense an energy to your writing, a current that runs beneath the surface, something that's just waiting to spring out and bless us all! Whatever you do - Keep writing! I believe there's greatness in you! God Bless!
Jan Ackerson 10/13/06
If you're new to FaithWriters, I'm pretty sure you probably formatted your lovely poem in Word or some other application, and were surprised to see how it came out on this page. Feel free to e-mail me for some hints on how to fix this in your future entries.
Ann FitzHenry10/13/06
I liked being "consummed" by your entry. I could sense your style in the words and phrases you used. Enjoyable piece. Keep writing.
Donna Powers 10/14/06
You expressed some excellent ideas in this article, and I encourage you to keep writing. A good story and portrayal of a soul reaching out for the true peace of God.