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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fire-fighter (10/05/06)

TITLE: Wildfire
By lynn rodgers
10/05/06


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You're not pretty enough
You'll never be thin
You fat cow
You're so ugly
You should die

These lies are wildfire
Wildfire eats our souls
Lord put out these flames

You're not smart enough
You'll never pass the test
You broken brained moron
You're so stupid
You should die

These lies are wildfire
Wildfire eats our souls
Lord put out these flames

Nobody gets you
Nobody ever has
Nobody ever will
You're so pathetic
You should die

These lies are wildfire
Wildfire eats our souls
Lord put out these flames

You're not rich enough
You'll never afford anything
No matter how hard you work
You're so common
You should die

Theses lies are wildfire
Wildfire eats our souls
Lord put out these flames

You're not good enough
You'll never be perfect
Your house is a mess
And so is your life
You should die

These lies are wildfire
Wildfire eats our souls
Lord put out these flames
Thank you Lord


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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 10/12/06
Powerful word choices, and very effective to use the repeated refrain. My only suggestion would be to end with the refrain, rather than with the negative--I think that the hope is what you want to leave your readers with in a poem like this.

We've all heard those words, either from others, or ourselves, or the Deceiver. You did a good job of communicating here.
Sara Harricharan 10/12/06
This was very powerful! You certainly have a gift! I do agree with adding a note of hope at the end though :)
Rhonda Leverett10/12/06
I really enjoyed, "Wildfire." I feel the rhythm of the piece like someone is singing. It would be an awesome song for youth groups or a coffee house setting. I hope you have been encouraged by the process of submitting your work to this forum. Continue expressing your emotions through the written word and you should go far. Write on!
Joanne Sher 10/13/06
Very powerful - but I also agree you should end with hope - maybe even a stanza of what we TRULY are in God's eyes. This definitely made me think!
Donna Emery10/13/06
This is very powerful. Many of us can relate to the treachery of those "voices" and thank God many can also attest to the healing power of Christ to show us our true identity in Him.

Nicely done!
dub W10/16/06
Good tough truths. A note: in the thth. stanza, think about reordering the verses and adding "you're" to the fourth verse. That seems to be the only inconsistancy. Really good stuff overall.
dub W10/16/06
argh. thth = my short hand for 9th. sorry
Catrina Bradley 10/16/06
Awesome. I heard echoes from many of my own "wildfires". And, commenting on others' comments, while the ending isn't necessarily "happy" it IS hopeful. The fires still burn, but the Fireman is on duty, and has been called.
david grant10/16/06
Wow! I was just feeling just like this before sunrise. I managed to put the wildfire with worship and prayers. Thanks for identification with my depression. You get a Chia pet DAVEY for this entry!
maybe that will help put out some of the fire too.

Enjoy!
Jesus Puppy 10/16/06
The word picture here leaves nothing to doubt, a very good job with the message given. The youngest of the sibling and treated like an outcast even from childhood friends, it is easy to see the pain wrapped up in the fires of another's words. "OOoo how they cut to the depth of the heart with burning words of hate."
Amy Michelle Wiley 10/16/06
I think we can all identify with this poem. Thank God He's there to put out the fires.
Susan Johnstone10/16/06
This is a very important issue, and was also addressed in the 'advanced' section by the piece called 'Dart Dampners'. So you're in good company!! Well done for recognising the significance of the flames and for putting it into words for us.
Jan Ackerson 10/17/06
Woo hoo, I see that FW's error was corrected, and the poem ends where you wanted it to, now. I'll add to my earlier comment, and say that this may be your finest work so far. Sorry if my earlier comment bummed you out, but I'm glad this was fixable.