The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/12/06
This was hilarious! Very good reading. I especially enjoyed the end with arriving on the scene in style.
I want you to know from the very start that I think your writng is excellent!!! You built your story with skill and cunning which kept me reading addictively. Just from the title alone I knew there would be humor in it and I DID LOL at the punch.

However, I do have a couple of pointers.

First, you need to proof-read more diligently, "Impatiens" should be, "Impatience" and
"in there on coming lanes" should be "in their oncoming lanes."

(NOTE: "Impatiens" is the scientific name for the "Touch-Me-Not flower.)

Next, I think, "as they laid mercilessly on their horn" would work better as "as the driver leaned mercilessly on the horn."

I did particularly like the phrases, "to expel the fear of temporary deftness" and "In perfect, poetic justice," there's a smoothness and a musicality to them that helps to endear the narrative.

All in all a very good job! I truly enjoyed your writing! Keep it up!
10/12/06
This was hilarious! Is it a true story? You described the scene very well; sometimes I've wondered what happens if cars don't get out of the way for a firetruck or an ambulance. The kicker was the last bit, when we find out that the poor fireman, just trying to make a way through the stubborn traffic, ends up having to hitch a ride with the poor old woman who'd caused the stop-up in the first place! Hee hee! Fun, picturing him running after the fire truck, too. Nicely done!
10/12/06
Clever! Be careful of spelling or typos: one that stood out was "deftness" instead of "deafness." Just a few letters can really change the meaning.

Your humor shines through in this witty story--great kicker.
10/13/06
Nice work. An enjoyable story with an amusing ending.
I really liked the twist at the end. Some pointers, be sure to spell check and grammar check your work before you submit. Impatiens is spelled impatience. There were also a couple of words that ended in ed that shouldn't have.

All in all it was a good story.