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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Garden (09/07/06)

TITLE: There's a Tiger in Our Garden
By
09/08/06


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There’s a Tiger in Our Garden

“Daddy, daddy, there’s a tiger in our garden.”
“Really! I hope not. He might dig up the watermelon seeds.”
“Should we feed the tiger so he won’t come and eat us up?”
“Ok, you get mummy’s kitchen scrap-bucket and I’ll put on my garden boots.”


“I have my garden boots on too daddy. Look, mummy tied the laces. Do you think tigers wear garden boots too daddy?”

“Well, we will soon find out, my young tiger hunter. Up on my shoulders you go. You can be the lookout.”

“Yippee. I can see the whole garden up here daddy. Look!! Paw prints.”

“It looks like the tiger has been out all night Davy.”

“Daddy, do you think the tiger might be sleepin’ now?”

“Could be, we will have to keep very quite so we don’t wake him.”


“caw caw”

“Look daddy, a crow. Let me down, coz he might get me. He could be the tiger’s friend. He might tell him we’re in the garden.”

"Ok, down you go."

“Look Davy, a lady bug. See how tiny her wings are?”

“Daddy, why do they call em’ lady bugs?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because they are so little. Look at her tiny wings.”

“Oh look daddy, the watermelon seeds are popping out.”

“Yeah, they are. Feel the little green shoot, gently now. Soon it will grow along the grown into a big vine and we will have lots of watermelon to eat.”

“Oooo yuk!! Daddy it's a snail.”

“We can’t have snails eating our seeds now, can we. We should put him up on the scrap pile. He can’t do any harm there.”

“Come on daddy, we have to feed the tiger.”

“Ok, be careful where you walk, the garden is a bit overgrown near the shed. We might clean it up on the weekend. What do you think?”

“Oh no daddy, where will the tiger live?”

“You have a point there Davy. Here we are. Empty the scraps onto the pile.”

“Daddy, can we empty the scraps for mummy tomorrow? There might be a dinosaur in our garden.”


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This article has been read 1008 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Thomas Kittrell09/14/06
Wow! A little boy's big imagination. As I read this, I was fascinated with your capture of how real children's imaginations are to them. Even though he was distracted by the lady bug, crow, and the rest, he still had that tiger on his mind. Wonderful writing here. I can see some real talent here in you writing. I was hooked into reading the whole thing from the opening sentence. Thomas
Ruth Renwick09/14/06
This was a delightful piece. I loved the interaction between the parent and child, especially how the father joined in with the child at his level. It reminds me of how adults so often lose our innocent delight in the world around us - but if we take a chil-like view it can be so much more fun. Nature is a great place to recpature our delight in some of the treasures God places around us purely for our enjoyment. Beautifully told.
Val Clark09/15/06
Yes, I like the way the father engaged with the child's imagination as well! The dialogue moved the story forward and was not confusing and I liked the way you implied action in the dialogue. Two MINOR pointers: Phrases like “Look daddy," need to have a comma before and after 'daddy' or 'Davy.' and, becase we are lazy readers, avoid the closeness of names like daddy and Davey. Though, as an Australian. 'Dad and Dave' has a delightful connotation! :-) yeggy
Donna Emery09/17/06
Wonderfully entertaining! I really enjoyed the interaction between dad and child here. Very well done!
Mo 09/17/06
This is cute and sweet & it flows well. Good job!
Bill Grimes09/17/06
What a delightful romp through the pure innocent joy of childhood.

Bill
william price09/18/06
You sure know how to tell a good story. I liked this a lot!! Your writing is fresh. Dialogue is crisp. A very nice slice of life piece that is sure to put a smile on the reader's face. There were a couple of places that needed a comma, and one sentence that may have had a wrong word used. But, those few things didn't take away from this great story. One thing, I might have mentioned the boys name earlier. For some reason I was reading the child's voice as a lil girl. Once I learned it was a boy I had to start over. Very good job. You are a writer. Look forward to reading more from you. God bless.
Amy Michelle Wiley 09/18/06
Very adorable entry. I love it!
Betty Castleberry09/19/06
So much fun! You've painted a good picture of an attentive dad and an imaginative child. Good job!
Joanne Sher 09/19/06
Definitely lots of fun! You certainly captured the mind of this boy very well with your dialogue - great job with the "wandering" that I know those little guys' minds do!!
Brenda Craig09/19/06
Maybe you should write children's books. You certainly have the ability to express the heart of a child. Your dialog is wonderful and flowed without a hitch. You captivated me the whole way through. Love to see this illustrated. Excellent writing Chrissy. Wow!
Debbie Sickler09/20/06
I love the imagination in this! So cute. It reminds me of some of the adventures I've had with my own boys. I found a typo for you though: "Soon it will grow along the grown". Should be ground. (unless that's an Aussie spelling. hehehe) Otherwise, great entry. :)
Cheryl Harrison 09/20/06
Cute! Seems like a good bedtime story for the little ones. Consider polishing it up a little and submit it somewhere. Keep writing!
Sue Dent09/20/06
Val mentioned the daddy thing and the only thing I would add to that is if you use the word daddy, brother, sister etc . . .in place of a name as John, Mary etc. . . then daddy, brother, sister etc . . . is to be capitalized. BUT that didn't distract me from enjoying this. I especially liked the way the story flowed without dialogue tags!! Grand job!
Esther Phillips09/20/06
I would echo several of the other comments -- like good dialogue, etc. I especially liked the title. It made me want to see what this was about.
Suzanne R09/21/06
You've captured the delight of a child in the everyday events of life ... this is really lovely, Chrissy. In another year or so, I can see your grandson having this sort of a dialogue with his dad. Just beautiful.
Edy T Johnson 01/25/07
You do need to find a favorite illustrator to do the art for this children's book. You might have a best-seller on your hands. The title is certainly a grabber, and the characters are so warm and sweet I could just gobble them up, snails and all!

Be sure to let us know when we can buy the book---I want some for all the grandchildren! This is simply delightful writing and it has to go into my "favorites!"
Laury Hubrich 09/09/07
Chrissy, I love this story! I can just see the two walking thru the garden. So very cute. Have you done anything more with this?