The Official Writing Challenge
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09/10/06
You did an EXCELLENT job with characterization here. I was drawn in from the very beginning. Super job!
09/10/06
Oh, this is SO good! Great voice, smooth story-telling, excellent writing! You'll be moving up levels quickly, I'm sure. You have obvious talent - very well done!
09/10/06
Oh, there's lots to like here--I love hearing familiar Bible stories from a unique POV, and this one did not disappoint. Two minor things: I thought the voice of the narrator occasionally inconsistent--sometimes he sounded like a boy talking, and sometimes like an adult. And you have him be "strangely stirred" twice toward the end--perhaps another phrase for one of them. All in all, this is very well written and creative--nice job!
I like this POV on Jesus baptism. Very nice!
09/10/06
I wonder what it must have been like to see John baptizing ... then Jesus ... then the voice from heaven. Very good work.
09/10/06
Very nicely done--great descriptions and captured my attention throughout.
09/11/06
Your bible story was enjoyable to read and very well told! Great visualization and characterization. Good job!